how many dependents can you claim?

I was asked this question today in a very matter-of-factly kind of way. it got me to thinking. I'm single. I have a dog. technically, I have one dependent, me. in actuality, I have 10.

why shouldn't my shortcomings count as dependents?! god knows they're time consuming, life sucking expenses that drain katie's economy. there's, needy bitch (only when I am pms'ng). ass pain of the year (that's me way too inside my head). angry cunt (it's justified*). resentful cow (also justified). idealistic, naive and prone to fits of, look on the bright side (that counts for three). incessant, unrelenting frustration (it's justified). overactive fear of death and neuroses glands. self esteem is a casualty of all of the above.

fuck dependents, I shouldn't be taxed at all.

--
(it's justified*) shut the fuck up. it's my blog. if I want to trek down the river of denial on an obscenely overpriced, luxurious, ecologically friendly yacht for another day or more, that's my perogative. capisce?!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Include this post with your next tax return. Someone might approve it.
5:59 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Danny Bonaduce's Creepy Peen

Image
I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the thrusting jacked sack. Or, his dirty orange palms color coordinated to match his freakpubes leading to the creepiest weepeen I've ever seen. And, I'm not even a size queen. Help me. I can't stop staring at it. Happy Halloweeeneeeee
Read more

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav
Read more

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article
Read more