Wednesday, December 27, 2006

the virgin mary

today it occured to me that mary supposedly died a virgin.

if it were any other dame, there isn't one broad hopped up on orgams who's heart wouldn't break for her. so, why don't we feel bad for the virgin mary? she never got the penetration, the finger fucking, the fondling, the oral gratification, not one grand finale and poof she's knocked up and donchya know, dead.

is giving birth to jesus enough of a reward? shouldn't we feel badly for her? where's the moment of silence for mary's virginity?

I for one am extremely blue about the fact that nobody bent mary over and fucked her like a whore because lemme tell ya something, it's a fabulous feeling. every girl should try it, whether she's a straighty or a lezzie.

would jesus have been considered a dirty bird and less of a god if he was created out of intercourse? other babies aren't, so what gives?

I don't know. I just don't know. but it's givin me ahj.


Anonymous said...

Let's not forget about Joseph while we're on this. Having your wife impregnated by the Almighty while you get none, ever, would make you something of the ultimate cuckold would it not?

Christians are weird.

Coaster Punchman said...

Wait.... Mary got preggers before she was married. I'm not sure if they married before or after the birth, but since she was married can't we assume she got the big F eventually? Blessed with the sanctity of this most holy hetero union, bien sur.

Nicky said...

Just to ease your mind - my understanding is that only Catholics believe Mary died a virgin. I think Protestants believe she and Joseph went on to live as husband and wife. The Catholics have this need to deify the Virgin in addition to, y'know, their actual deity, whereas the Protestants more or less stick to ye olde Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). In fact I think Protestants kind of smugly snicker at the Catholics, for they see the Catholics as idol worshippers (and therefore sinners) because they pray to the Virgin and various other saints. Prots believe you should only pray to God (in Jesus' name, I guess).

As Chris Rock said in the movie Dogma, "Mary gave birth to Christ without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin Mary, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? That's just plain gullibility."

katie schwartz said...

drug monkey, that is a very good point. however, mary might've been joseph's beard. for all we know, he was one of jesus' voracious bottoms. they did run in a tight circle of men, you know.

katie schwartz said...

coaster, I think her marriagae is up for debate and dependent upon the sect of christianity you subscribe to, no?

katie schwartz said...

unless he was gay, nicky. how perfectly scandalous would that have been?!?!??!!?

Anonymous said...

Fucking Mary. Gets her own post. Can't believe it. Tell me there wasn't some funny business with that donkey along the way.

Coaster Punchman said...

We smugly snicker at Catholics for more reasons than that one, Nicky.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Mary got preggers in those days from swallowing too much jizm?

Who knows eh?

Either that, or a monkey fucked her. That'd REALLY fuck up the whole evolution Vx Creationism thing, eh?

Love you KS,

katie schwartz said...

ooh, daleish, do you think she's a big bestiality queen? could be.

katie schwartz said...

coaster, what religion were you born into? anything guilt laden?

katie schwartz said...

miss smack, I so adore you, child.


Festes said...

Fuck the VIRGIN MARY.Oh man yes i'd fuck the virgin mary.I'D bend her over and shove 8 inches of cock right up to the balls into her CUNT and FUCK her till her CUNT BLEED.Not finished with her yet.Take the BLOOD from her bleeding CUNT and lube up her ass and FUCK HER UP THE ASS till her ass bleed.Still not done with her yet.Take my COCK from her ass and make her lick her own blood and SHIT from it then FUCK her THROAT till i was ready to CUM then pull out and SHOOT my load on her FACE.Thats how i would FUCK the BLESSED VIRGIN MARY and would love every minute of it..PS:I heard she loves GANGBANGS.Anyone care to help out????


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