Sunday, December 24, 2006

the hypocrisy of blair

when I'm a blue jew, god sends me to coffee talk with blair. she's very encouraging that blair, even with her lackeys. she's also graciously implemented a strict don't ask don't tell policy for jews. THANK GOD!

anywho... I am very confused about this week's journal entry, the mom time christmas party. there are a lot of anti-christian sentiments that are of great concern to me. I sent her an email last night for some clarity and guidance about it. I'm still waiting to hear back, but I'm filled with the spirit of jesus so it's not like I'm freaking out or anything.

dear warnsey:

get it? no?! lees, c'mon, facts of life nickname!

happy CHRISTmas. you must be like so excited! the season finale is finally here. too cool.

I read this week's journal entry, about the mom time annual christmas party at the mall. you gals really seemed to whoop it up doing the, eat like a scavenger hunt game you worked SO hard on. I guess my evite got lost in cyber space. had I received it, I so would've partied with you girls.

while I enjoyed the post and I super did, I have to admit that I found myself a bit flummoxed by it. I'm hoping you can straighten me out and set me back on my path.

this was a mom time / dad time event and you divided the teams boys against the girls. that seems very anti-helpmeet, especially since you say that your team annihilated the boys. girlfriend, a woman's role is to be of service to her husband and to cater to his every whim and need. to provide a home with love, arrows in his quiver, food and darning his socks. aren't you like advocating emasculating him and shattering his manhood?

you call yourself the game nazi. that could seriously be misconstrued as anti-semitism and I would hate for anyone to feel that you're a jew hater. cause you're like the most accepting girl in the whole wide world! so, couldn't you just say something like, game cunt or game bitch?

one of the items on the eat like a scavenger hunt list are gummy boobs. OMG. OMG. OMG. so appalling! blairish, breasts! ewww. that is so inappropriate. that store should be on the christian most wanted list! I can't believe you didn't contact the christian science monitor or send a blast mail to your soldiers about banning them. how horrible. actual b-r-e-a-s-t-s?!?!?!?! my unborn eggs read your journal do you realize how damaging this could be to them? irrevocable damage, blair.

as you can see, I really need you to get back to me asssap on these very important issues.

now, I realize that because it's the birth of our lord and savior, you might not have time to fly in the closet for a face to penis with jesus this weekend, but, girl, you seriously need to explain yourself to me!




Writeprocrastinator said...

Uh, "Armadillo Droppings?" "Super Dooper Crazy Pooper Jelly Plops?" "Winnie the Pooh?"

The "Gummy Boobs" are odd enough, but what's up with all those-scat related names???

Writeprocrastinator said...


You should put "the" between "of" and "Blair" for the post title, it gives it a Mel Gibson or Dale-feel to it.

John Donald Carlucci said...

She is just happy to be one year closer to the Rapture K.


Anonymous said...

But I love the Jews and Blair even when she's in her Nazi mode. And you too Katie and WP - baby Jesus told me to love you even though...

My favourite item this season - Jesus pencil caps. I'll have to post a picture after I stop kissing them. Could that be a Blair game?

Coaster Punchman said...

Oooh, yum - let's have more Blair posts, please. She is delicious. I always secretly believed she and Nancy McKeon were doing some punani wrestling behind the scenes on Facts of Life.

I'm baaaack after an absence. I finally answered your tag re: weird things. Sorry it took so long. Also sorry the post isn't funny, but I'm giving what I can.


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