Tuesday, December 12, 2006

creepy neighbor

I have a neighbor. he's a dick. very cliche and pretentious. drives a convertible. struts himself around the block around evening time, toting his pussy-should-be-at-the-end-of-a-mop, dog, smoking a cigar twice his size. he's a bit of a mini me. works out to glisten. he's all about steamed chicken, veggies and maintaining his mini lean man physique. I'm sure I'm the anti-christ to him. he probably thinks if he stares at me too long he'll catch fat. I should send him a letter telling him it's not contagious, but I prefer when he quickly looks away.

yesterday morning we were both getting into our cars at the same time. I had jewcifer with me and in the creepiest fucking tone, he said, he's your buddy, isn't he? I thought, eww. that is so porn and so wrong. I said, no more than your dog is your buddy. he looked surprised. I raised an eyebrow and said, the way you said that was creepy. sorry. but, it was.

as if. louie is my son. I know divorce lawyers. believe me, I've heard the yarns. and, no matter how you slice it, it's rape. if someone can't consent, you are raping them. it's a boundary.

5 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

That's a bit of an odd projection. He's kind of like, If I were a woman, that's what I'd do.

This is not the same neighbor who had the breach of fellatio etiqette, is it?

Anonymous said...

it took me reading this post a few times to get that picture. Wow.

katie said...

wp, you are so funny! "if I were a woman this is what I'd do?!" oh my god, you are so wrong.

katie said...

you need a minute, right, romius?

Writeprocrastinator said...

"wp, you are so funny! "if I were a woman this is what I'd do?!" oh my god, you are so wrong."

Seriously, think of all the things that we men, project on women. Every time a woman walks a great Dane or dog of size, you'll hear two guys making cracks.

I can't speak for you Katie, but I'm pretty sure you don't a go lesbian at the drop of a hat, wrestle in mud or jello, wear high heels to bed. Or any number of things I would write into Penthouse, saying "I never thought this would never happen to me."

It's the teenage boy in us that projects the oddest things on women and while I know women have fantasies, theirs are rarely that in synchronization with ours.

 

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