Wednesday, October 04, 2006

pussy etiquette


I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine today about this boy who chonched on her beav last night. sure, he got her off... eventually. but, he wasn't a student of pussy. we decided this was a common issue.

if you're gonna nosh, whether you're straight or lezzy there is such a thing as pussy etiquette.

floss, and not with her stragglin' pubes. it doesn't count.

brush your teeth, no broad wants halitosis twat! this is hot because?

groomed fingernails, don't be thinkin' about digging your dark dirty nail grime inside mine or anyone else's cunt. yeah. that's a big NO. our boxes are breeding grounds for bacteria. trust me. we don't need any external forces contibuting to an already ripe hot bed of bacteria in waiting. as for hangnails... don't even think about it. if it scratches your face. hurts when it catches on your wool sweater or makes you wince, IMAGINE what it feels like scraping against the great v-wall.

clit lickers are welcomed, but for the love of god, fly a few fingers inside the flange. and this whole, "two is plenty" thing, fuck you. there isn't one self respecting millennium whore doesn't want to feel the burn!

girls, spill! nicoleo. vocab. honey smack. freak and a whore. big mouth. that black lesbian jew. all other divas... throw us a pearl.

12 comments:

Amy Guth said...

Katie Schwartz, you are, as always, too fabulous for words.

yournamehere said...

Katie, I would like to reward you for this fabulous post by licking you good and proper.

Okay, it would be as much a reward for me, but you understand where I'm coming from.

Al Sensu said...

and what about rough whiskers?

Ms Smack said...

I personally like a little whisker with my muff diver.

Sometimes they can scratch on my pink bits and have me purring while he spells the alphabet with his tongue.

Fantastic post, Ms S, as usual :)

Mountjoy said...

How far do you usually last, Miss Smack? I find by the time I dot the "i" things are getting heated, while the double whammy of "m" and "n" take things to the edge. It then just is a question of how slowly I cross the "t" before "u" becomes "O" and I lapp my way into a contented "v"...

diane said...

Ummmm...I have a confession to make.
(whispers) (I've never liked receiving oral)
And please, not the whole "Well, you've never had someone do it right" No, no, plenty have tried. It just makes me feel like someone put a snail down there to do its thing. Eeeeeeewwwww.

n.v. said...

I like to mash a man's face into it, love getting eaten out, but I do not like being fingered at the same time. It's so distracting! It's like enjoying a really great steak and having some inexperienced waiter saunter by and pour ketchup all over it.

katie schwartz said...

thank you, my dahling, amy!!!

that mullet boy is so generous, isn't he!

sensu, beards can be very burly man hot. hi, nosh away.

loving miss smack hard as always!

diane, if you don't enjoy having your box noshed, there's nothing wrong with that!

vocab, really? how come? they feel so synonomous for me. but, what I love the most, and this goes for diane, too, is when a woman knows what she wants. and, she's not afraid to let a man know! that's what matters most... I think.

Ms Smack said...

Amen to that Katie. Have you considered running in your local seat of politics? I'm sure you'd get the women vote!

Anonymous said...

I hate a cold tongue on my clit- nothing worse- feels creepy....
Gotta invent a auto mouth warmer.... for those pussy eating pie contests....

drew said...

I can't understand any guy who wouldn't floss, nail-clip, gargle and shave (or not) and stick their tongue in the toaster in order to get a taste of heaven.

I love going down on my girl. She seems to enjoy it too.

drew said...

btw, this remided me of an essay entitled On The Etiquette of Eye-Contact During Oral Sex written by Toby Litt, included in his book Exhibitionism.

It's a cracker (pardon the pun).

 

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