Sunday, October 01, 2006

lisa welchel, I spoke to jesus

I am so tired, oy. that jesus sure does love to dish. when my blackberry rang and the screen said, jesus calling, I was going to forward it to voicemail, but he'd only show up and want to have a girl's night. I'm menstruating, so I really wasn't up for that.

he wanted to talk about the lisa welchel/blaire situation. who knew there was one?! well, apparently there is, and a BIG ONE at that. he's feeling hocked to death (or to life, depending on your religious slant). she doesn't stop with him. she calls constantly. she has big time creepy chick syndrome. he is so OVER IT.

anyway, he asked for my advice. I really didn't know what to tell him. poor guy. she's way ocd about him. he's thought about filing a restraining order against her. but, he's afraid it would exacerbate the situation. he's in a serious conundrum. she constantly calls for guidance, thanks, a chat, to send good wishes to her family. to help her get through the day, finish her chores, have a larger following. she wants, and wants and wants. her neediness is overwhelming!

it's just way too one-sided. she never EVER asks about him. she's so selfish. and, you know how selfless that jesus is.

I told him that because she believes in the whole heaven and hell thing, he should recruit the evil forces of nature to lead her down the path of temptation. but to make her think it's what he wants. he thought it was a good idea, so he's going to give it a whirl.

I'll let you know how it goes. he said he'd call me next week.

show your boobies::


Dale said...

You've given me a reason to pray again. Blair's going down. On Jesus.

katie schwartz said...

oh sweet potd, how you do make me laugh so.

Amy Guth said...

I saw a car covered in Jesus stuff today with the window down, as the owner was smoking. She was driving aggressively, and was denied when trying to cut another driver off. When she realized she woldn't get her way (Jesus musta been on break right then) she stuck her middle finger out the window and screamed, "FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

Jesus must really be fuckin' awesome. I wouldn't know.

katie schwartz said...

amy, you are pure genius!! I am laughing my ever lovin' mother fuckin' ass off! that is perfect on every level.


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