shame on me!

today when louie and I went to the pet store to score some treats. I was all hopped up on frustration and angst. big time.

he asked for my signature, the clerk, you know. I signed. he said, "thank you, MRS. SCHWARTZ."

I shamefully wailed, "I'm not a MRS. and I don't want to be a MRS. I don't want to get married. it's not for me. I don't have to be a MRS. to afford treats for my dog. I can do it all by myself. and I can't BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD JUST HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL ME MRS."

he turned red.

the customer behind him; his jaw dropped.

I glared at him and said, "that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian, ya know."

before skulking away, I said, "let's pretend none of this happened!"

I am soooooo ashamed....

Comments

Anonymous said…
i so understand, girl. One time, a guy called me "ma'am" (I'm sure out of respect) but I flipped my lid then too. And i felt horrible about it later, too.
6:58 PM
Anonymous said…
I hate it when my son's classmates call me "Mr. Procrastinator." I know that they are being respectful, but I tell that them that "Mr. Procrastinator was my dad. Call me Procrastinator Jr.'s Dad or Write."
11:30 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Danny Bonaduce's Creepy Peen

Image
I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the thrusting jacked sack. Or, his dirty orange palms color coordinated to match his freakpubes leading to the creepiest weepeen I've ever seen. And, I'm not even a size queen. Help me. I can't stop staring at it. Happy Halloweeeneeeee
Read more

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav
Read more

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article
Read more