you know you have issues with food

when you're at the computer store to get your laptop keyboard replaced and the clerk says:

you might want to get a crumb cover for your keyboard seeing as you eat at your laptop so often.

after turning 50 shades of shameful crimson, I said, what makes you think I eat at my laptop?

the fucking shame of me. how nervy. I knew I was busted. Katie, you rabid whore, take it like a man.

he takes out my old keyboard and shows it to me. it was stuffed, chock-a-block, teaming with everything I've ever eaten in my entire life, and topped off with ashes from when I used to smoke.

no wonder my keyboard stopped working. It was full.