Saturday, January 28, 2006

speedras

I found a spider the size of my face in my apartment three days ago. The bug made me feel fat, dirty, cheap and poor.

He was gargantuan. I put a garbage can over it in the hopes of suffocating it. I felt like such a killer, but I had to make a decision. It was either me or the bug. Were my actions premeditated? Unfortunately there was no time to ponder and reflect.

A few hours later, with a bag in one hand and a handful of paper towels in the other, I was ready to remove the can and find out if my plan worked. It did. He was lying on his back in the fetal position. I felt guilty, which quickly dissolved into nausea, and fear because now I had to remove the evidence.

After several failed attempts with my roll of paper towels and garbage bags, I decided to sweep the bug into a dust pan. But as I went to do that, the idea of bug carcass on my broom flipped me out big time. I had to go back to my paper towel plan. I thought if I grabbed a leg using 50 paper towels then I wouldn’t feel the body. BIG MISTAKE.

During the bug’s junket in my home, “it” managed to reproduce a child. I promptly whacked the spawn – I haven’t slept for three days and I’m too scared to turn the lights off.

Do bugs haunt people?

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