Katie Schwartz

You know how OCD I am about Coco's cavernous taco . Oy, how can you not feel badly for her split knish? Vadge handlers, can you imagine the ahj? This weekend, they were out in grand style. Coco's taco really made the rounds. They were seen here and here and here and here . The only time her vagina gets a reprieve is when she's in a dress.

On Friday, I was so fuckin’ angry I wished I had a penis. No, I don’t have penis envy. Friday, though. Friday, I wanted a penis, so I could say “SUCK MY MOTHAH’ FUCKIN’ DICK”, to everyone. I wanted to march myself out into the world in groin clutching, crotch enhancing man jeans, grabbing my dick at the speed of light, screaming at the top of my lungs. That’s how I angry I was. If I could’ve thrown every piece of glass and ceramic I own against the wall so hard that I would’ve felt the reverberating debris inside my womb, I would’ve. I wanted to watch it all crumble into a gazillion little pieces onto the floor. I don’t think I could’ve screamed as loudly as I wanted to, but I sure as shit wanted to try. The health care system in this country isn’t fucked up, it’s a diseaseapalooza. Doctor’s secretary, we’ll call her Spawn of Satan says, “Take this new medication. If you have side-effects and feel sick, call.” Katie asks, “What side-effects should I look for? Can you describe what feel...

To all of my fabulous non-Jewish readers, I wish you a very Merry Christmas ! Love, Jewgirl & Bondage Santa

Thanks to the goddess that is SaltyMeat , we have this meaty dish: Former Teen Star Applauds Jamie Lynn Spears for Keeping Baby . Lisa fuckin Welchel (AKA) LeeWee is proud of this 16-year-old abortionphobe for keeping the spawn of her loins. And, what would LeePee do if her beloved daughter came home with a cum clad womb after taking a vow of chastity before God. PS: daughter wears a purity ring and all, as a reminder of her blessed virginity. LeeSkeev's comments on Spears decision not to have an abortion, "I'm so proud of her for stepping up and being courageous and taking responsibility for her choices, and I believe she's being a good role model — a good role model in that situation, to choose to have the baby, and … I am supportive of her in that situation." I want to scream at this snatch, at the top of my lungs, SHE is a CHILD having a CHILD. This is wrong.wrong.wrong on every level. These God fearing Christians need to wake the fuck up and teach their chil...

Oh, I lah'me some white trash God fearing Christian gossip. Jamie Lynn Spears is 16-years-old and knocked up. Fuck me around the corner with a giant Cross and a thorn hat. The shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. For the love of God, child, HAVE AN ABORTION. You people are done procreating. Use a condom and slam some foam up your flange. Turn that womb into a war zone. Would it kill you to have an abortion? You are a CHILD. Why isn't her mother encouraging her to have a fucking abortion?! My favorite quote from the article is what mama trash said about Jaymalyn's pregnancy, " I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's never late for her curfew." Come'on, you're white trash, you know better. You can still make curfew and get your fuck on, mama. Ain't nobody know that betterd'n you. You done got yurself all knocked up when you was 16'n all. What a dumb ass thing to say, "Jamie Lynn is never late for curfew". How fuckin' stu...

Best email forward evah. Grazie ma.

I'll be dipped in Jesus' shit, I think the Christian site I'm way OCD about broke the fuck up with me. I am hoppin' fuckin' mad. That's not right. It's the holidays. Either you break up with someone a month before Thanksgiving or after the first week of January. That's a break-up rule. Not to mention the fact that it's very anti-Christian. What if I was on the road to redemption?! What about my soul? Has she no interest in salvaging that?! Mother fucker.