Katie Schwartz

Remember that post I wrote about the Special Olympics of Grocery Shopping ? I figgered you didn't, so hit the link and catch up. I know, I'm Snatcherella today. Deal. Or flee. This afternoon my sister and I hit our new grocery store because we banned the SOGS store. The manager was an assholic prick about the mentally challenged. After you tell a manager you see on a daily basis that they're stupid and offensive, better to stick to your guns and not give them your business, right? Right. I am here to say that there is an explosive retard revolution happening in the retail grocery industry in shlock angeles that I was not aware of. It's about fuckin' time if you ask me. The lines are longer. Bagging is a cooperative endeavor and if you're paying by credit or check card, you're gonna have to swipe twice on a good day, three on a bad day. Doable, honey. Do-a-ble. Walking into the store today was like going to a sports arena to watch The Norms vs. The Tards in ...

Jesus spams me a lot. When you spend that much time schlepping on a cross, I suppose the idea of not schlepping something feels foreign. He's gotta hawk something, so why not mortgage. He's also sent me life and health insurance quotes. He's so busy with himself that Jesus. In my box today. Not vadge, e-box, he sent me a low interest rate mortgage and vowed not to base his final decision on my religious or sexual orientation. Check out the highlights below . Subject: Rates as low as 4.625% You Could Start Your New Year with a Lower Mortgage Payment! Refinance Today! Spend 2007 with more money every month: More money for credit payments More money for car payments More money for school payments More money for life payments ! Life Payments ? The subtext feels very, for the extortionist, pedophile or embezzler in you . Ok, this is my favorite part: Christian Family Loans is not affiliated with, or sponsored or endorsed by any religion or faith-based institution. This adve...

This morning while pouring my fresh, hot percolated coffee into my favorite mug, out popped, Good morning you stunning piece of ass you. And then I realized... it is. Sadly, my fabulous vinty Wedgewood stove peeled and had to be replaced. My slumlords replaced it with the trailoriest of stoves. This little shit belongs in a triple slide, not my Jewliciouskitch.

So, I'm on a diet. I'm 90% off dairy. No pasta. No bread. It sucks fat mannequin ass. I'm so happy, though because I was finally able to lose 10 pounds. I wasn't in a position to lose weight for too long and not because I couldn't shut my pie hole, for other reasons. My metabolism just might be heading back to normalville and God willing the weight will keep falling off, like dead-leaves, like sands through the hourglass... these are the days of our lives. Wait, that's a soap opera, right? Anyhooch, I found some fuck off hilar squared URLs that I had to share because I'm a freak. If I can't stuff my face with fat, I need to remind myself why I'm being a good diet soldier. I'm not dining on dick at the minute, so I must entertain myself in other ways. Plus size caskets , more chunky but funky caskets and still more . Are you plotzing? Yeah, me too. Moving right along. Fat Cities - no joke fat heaven. Plus Size Yellow Pages - why it's just fa...

Check out Diva Smack's blog . I adore this broad. She's generous, kind, smart, caring and always there when you need her, always. Welcome her back. This incredible dame has been wrongfully accused and harassed by a group of Internet censorship loving nutbags. Check out this post and this one . Run. Read. Now.

Cunt-scream-a-bitch's latest quote is shocking, appalling and disgusting. Of course I had to blog it. "If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women. It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and ‘We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?’" Her stupidity is offensive. PS: Sad as this is to admit, she has a VAGINA.

This is too hilar not to pass along. The guy's response is fabulous . I love him so hard, my vulva lips are twitching. He's got almost as much moxie as I do. Could his balls be as big as my ovaries? Nahhhhh . As for the broad... what is she doing setting women back a hundred years?! Quit with the hedge funds and start creating vadgefunds all by yourself ! You can do it, vagareena. Take a hit for the team and woman up. 25-year-old shameless diva seeks money-money-money What am I doing wrong? Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips?...