Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Dieting Woes and Fat Chach

So, I'm on a diet. I'm 90% off dairy. No pasta. No bread. It sucks fat mannequin ass. I'm so happy, though because I was finally able to lose 10 pounds. I wasn't in a position to lose weight for too long and not because I couldn't shut my pie hole, for other reasons.

My metabolism just might be heading back to normalville and God willing the weight will keep falling off, like dead-leaves, like sands through the hourglass... these are the days of our lives. Wait, that's a soap opera, right?

Anyhooch, I found some fuck off hilar squared URLs that I had to share because I'm a freak. If I can't stuff my face with fat, I need to remind myself why I'm being a good diet soldier. I'm not dining on dick at the minute, so I must entertain myself in other ways. Plus size caskets, more chunky but funky caskets and still more. Are you plotzing? Yeah, me too. Moving right along. Fat Cities- no joke fat heaven. Plus Size Yellow Pages- why it's just faterific squared! Ample Stuff- fat chach. Thank God, I am not in need of a hand extender to wipe my ass. Want a fatvacay? Hit Fat Cruises and set sail with other portly petals.

While fatfrolicking myself into a frenzy, I hit the Quacker Factory. This broad creates tent attire for the MOB crowd with murals. Nothing like a 5x5 country, complete with cities and families touring in RVs around your entire body to make a dame feel thin. She also does Quacker cruises. Her motto is, If you can’t change it, decorate it.

What I didn't notice was a Fatarella or a Fat Bush or Fatlympics. This surprised me. Make no mistake, I will keep searching as zealously as I do for fundie and LeePee dish.

Non sequitur of the day, Ben Harper is a hersheyheeb. His mothah is a Russian Jew broad. How hot is that!


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

While I hate that there's less of you to love, I'm glad you're feeling good about your body now. That fucking Quacker bitch cracks me up. How fucked up is she?

I'm glad you're blogging again my little latke.

Amy Guth said...

The Art Casket??? Hilar! Can you imagine going to a funeral, looking up and seeing like dreamcatchers and wolves and shit painted on the casket? I would die, too!

Beth said...

Proud of you, you gorgeous doll.

Wonder if it's time for this old ass to check out the plus-caskets?

Writeprocrastinator said...

"No pasta."

That would cause me to question my faith in God. Hang in there and you know we're cheering for you!

Madam Z said...

Good for you, Katie-girl! I have been trying to lose 5 goddamned pounds, for the past year, and just can't do it. Probably because I have always tended to eat healthfully and exercise consistently, so it's hard to improve on it. My goddamned matabolism is at fault. Maybe I have been infected with the dreaded FAT VIRUS, as detailed in your highlighted website, "Fat Cities." Here's an excerpt:

Latest study done at Pennington Biomedical Research Center at Louisiana State University System suggests that a virus, adenovirus-36 or Ad-36, is causing human adult stem cells to turn into fat cells.
Dr. Magdalena Pasarica led the study and will present her findings to the American Chemical Society in Boston. ... Nikhil Dhurandhar, an associate professor at Pennington said that "...obese people were three times more likely to be infected...than thin people." He admits that "overeating has something to do with gaining weight."

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! I hope that none of our tax dollars went toward reaching that conclusion.

Bubs said...

How did you find those casket cites? Good lord. I remember a company called "Huggable Urns" a while ago that would put your ashes in a custom urn hidden in a plush teddy bear. Whew.

Dig that picture, btw. Hubba.

Hope you feel better with the weight loss, and getting your metabolism back to normal. It sucks when the body doesn't do what you want it to.

Anonymous said...

Well, please tell me that laughing my ass off really works!

Or how about many calories do I lose guffawing like a fucking hyena?

~Miss Smack said...

I love that picture that you found, and as you know, I am also curves curves and big big boobs and you know what? We're damn sexy and we know it.

It is hard to avoid those foods, but you'll notice the difference quickly and be lighter on your feet.

Take care sweet-cheeks

Coaster Punchman said...

I love how one of those casket sites offers a discount to AARP members. Um...duh.....

Congrats on the 10 lbs. Have you read Poundy on the web?


design by