Dwarfs just flashed in my brain for some bizarre reason. Oh, this post isn't dwarf driven. Wait, are we allowed to say dwarf or is that un-PC?
Speaking of dwarfs, abortion. No, silly, I'm not saying you should abort a dwarf baby if you find yourself knocked up with one, gosh no. I just couldn't find a decent segue into abortion after mentioning dwarfs.
Don't be offended, it's not like I said you should abort a Down Syndrome baby or a retarded baby, or are they one and the same? That I know is un-PC, to say retarded. In my defense, I don't actually come out and say "Retarded", I say "Rahtaardded". See the difference, it's subtle.
I am getting so fucking sidetracked right now.
I hope you're not offended. I haaate being offended, it's such a nauseatingish feeling. When I'm offended, I feel dirty from the inside out, overcome with a kind of helplessness and a boiling anger, akin to being felt up without my consent. Super unfestive. I'd say molested versus being felt up, but knowing as many vagina's as I do, I've come to learn that at some point in our lives we've had some kind of molestereeuation. It's a signature, a calling card, par the course of being a bird, I suppose.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, while Evangelical-blog-hopping this week, I happened upon a few blogs who posted about The Red Envelope Project, also coined, "The LIFE Envelope Project". Have you heard? You can see where I'm going with this, right? The REP project is a wildly offensive endeavor spearheaded by the fundies, of course. Not our beautiful, liberal Christian/Catholic sisters and brothers. No, no, no, they would never do such a thing, only insane zealie's pioneer such egregious and offensive acts as this one.
Here's the dish in a nutshell, pulled right from the whackjob's mouth. I've bolded my favorite parts:
"The e-mail letter below turned into a couple different websites supporting the project with hundreds of thousands of visitors. There was a day setup for Red Envelopes to be sent and we have received word from the White House mailroom that over 2 million envelopes were delivered after the March 31st Red Envelope Day!
In an effort to keep the movement alive and going we have transferred the website into the LIFE Envelope Project to avoid a potential trademark problem. We are also looking to expand the project to send not just red envelopes but also baby blue (to represent an aborted baby boy), pink (to represent an aborted baby girl), and traditional white with red, pink, or blue writing (for ease of getting an envelope). It's now easier than ever to send the message on to our president, senators, representatives, and judges!
The Founding Story:
Below is a letter that has been circulating with a great idea. The message began in silent prayer from a faithful follower who was spending quiet time with God.
Dear Friends and Intercessors:
This afternoon I was praying about a number of things, and my mind began to wander. I was deeply distressed at the symbolic actions that President Obama took as he began his presidency. Namely, that he signed executive orders releasing funds to pay for abortions, permission to fund embryonic stem cell research, and federal funding for contraception. I have been involved in the pro-life movement for nearly 20 years, and it pained my heart to see a man and a political party committed to the shedding of innocent blood. This man, and this party lead our country, but they do not represent me or the 54% of Americans who believe that abortion is wrong and should no longer be legal.
As I was praying, I believe that God gave me an interesting idea. Out in the garage I have a box of red envelopes. Like the powerful image of the red LIFE tape, an empty red envelope will send a message to Barack Obama that there is moral outrage in this country over this issue. It will be quiet, but clear.
Here is what I would like you to do:
Get a red envelope. You can buy them at Kinkos, or at party supply stores. On the front, address it to:
We have reason to believe the return address is important, please include it.
President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
N.W.Washington , D.C. 20500
On the back, write the following message.
This envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world. LIFE begins at conception.
Put it in the mail and send it. Then send this website to every one of your friends who you think would send one too. I wish we could send 50 million red envelopes, one for every child who died before having a a chance to live. Maybe it will change the heart of the president, our senators, and/or our representatives.
Warmly, Christ Otto
Let's Send 50 Million red envelopes (and Counting) for all of the children killed in the US by abortion!"
I, of course, was and remain deeply offended by this movement. In the spirit of free speech, I think those of us who unequivocally support a woman's right to choose abortion, and protect funding for abortion, education about birth control and stem cell research, should send an envelope to President Obama, too.
In a silver envelope, place a little plastic egg inside with a note that reads:
My name is Fertileena, I was aborted by a wonderful woman. If you haven't met her, you should. She's a vibrant, happy, healthy dame with a full and rich life. She got pregnant, it happens. Although, deciding to abort me wasn't an easy choice, we talked about it at length and we are sooo grateful that she had the choice to abort me. We're still friends and catch up from to time. Oh, don't worry, I won't bore you with the details. I just wanted to thank you for keeping abortion safe and legal. I wanted to be aborted as much as she wanted to abort me, it was very much a mutual decision. I LOVE my life and value my life as an aborted fetus.
Sincerely,
Fertileena, aborted feteye
Any questions?
32 comments:
They're not going to give up until they get Roe overturned. Then we'll have to spend 50 years trying to undo that mess. Doesn't it just make you tired?
Cool, let's turn back the clock to women dying in back alleys and abandoned buildings...that is, unless your dad or the man who knocked you up can throw his game of golf to one of his country club pals. Then hopefully the doc hooks you up.
The rest of you gals? Take your pick of Mexico or Canada, and make sure to bill the wonderful people at the envel-rope project at-
c/o
Good luck and you're f**ked
Two Pointed Head Lane
Complaining About Welfare And Taxing The Rich, Kansas
United Flakes of America.
They don't want anyone to abort babies but then when that baby is born they don't give a shit about it, unless it commits a crime that they say it shold be killed for.
Oh, Girlfriend, you crack me up. On Easter, there could be a little message inside the plastic egg.
I say we send Mr. Christ Otto all our period blood every month, and call it the loss that callous Mother Nature wastes each and every month- potential babies that were not able to be united with super sperms. Tragic. Perhaps, he'll choose to fertilize and raise them all personally.
YOW...
First: "dwarf" is still ok, I have that on good authority from my youngest. "Midget" is definitely not, and I have been warned. Same with "retard"--another terrible habit I have, that I am working hard to eliminate from my vocabulary. You'll have to pronounce your version of "Rahtaardded" in person before I can pass judgment on that.
I don't get this abortion obsession. I remember when Roe V Wade passed, my family were regular churchgoers then and continued to be for years after that. I don't remember this constant drumbeat over the issue. I am especially amazed that anyone who wants to reduce abortion rates could also be so vehemently opposed to contraception, which tells me that deep down the real issue for them is not abortion, it's something else entirely having to do with sex and control.
As for little Fertileena...she sounds like a little sweetie. I wish all the best for her.
CP, it exhausts the hell out of me. I am hoping with all of my heart they don't overturn completely, Roe v Wade.
Lest we forget, they've already dug a hole into it so deep that without P-Obama's support, abortion would be eradicated completely, as would embryonic stem cell research and sex education.
We have to keep fighting, bubbie.
Cormac;
I got the chills when I read your comment, aside from the laughter, of course.
"Envel-Rope", so fucking true, and brilliant, by the by. Love the address.
Here's what pisses me off the most and I know you already know this... creating or changing a law based on religion, not democracy, is so unacceptable to me, I have a physical reaction, and not a good one.
Dr. Monkey, WHAT A MONEY RESPONSE, and painfully true.
FreidaBee;
FUCKING BRILLIANT. I am on my knees bowing to you, my dear.
MARRY ME!
Bubbsie, you're so fabulous. Fertileena is a doll, you'd hit it off immediately.
I'm so happy dwarf is still acceptable.
When I see you, I'll say rahhtardded in your presence and you can tell me if it's a boundary. Oh, by the way, I try to use fucktard, slumtard, lametard, twattard and dicktard in place of the "R" word. Like you, I'm trying.
Gawd I love you!
This is a topic very close to my <3 as I never ever want any minijins zooming around. Ever. *shudder* I live for my pastry, my puppy & my pussy... er... oops, did I say that last part out loud? Crap.
First, before I get sidetracked, I seriously <3 all the previous commenters responses. *enter jinapplause here*
I also gotta seconds Bubs'
"deep down the real issue for them is not abortion, it's something else entirely having to do with sex and control."
So TRUE!!!
My first 9 learning years were wasted going to a Catholic school. I swear that's still why I feel extreme guilt about next-to-nothing things. (Did that make sense?!) We were taught sex was only to create evil spawnage, NOT for pleasure. Personally, Virgo that I am, I believe sex is therapeutic.
Example: yesterday I worked 20 straight hours on my feet (I got time to sit down a few times when I went for a pee, lucky me!) & by the end of the night I was achy, sore, bordering on cranky, exhausted & well beyond any instant fix my cabinet full of supplements/homeopathics could provide. I crawled into bed feeling unhappy with ridiculous worries creasing my brow... when... JDC pops in next to me to be as sweet as can be & promises to fuck me hard in the morning when I'm not so tired. I said, 'I'm not that tired."
(TMI?! Ha! Sorry, I must dish, there's a point, trust!)
Skip to an hour later (or so) & I no longer ache at all. The worries are gone. I am able to relax after my jinsane Oestre week & recall all my fucking FABULOUS customers & how happy I have made hundreds of peeps' day/holiday. After that I slept well. Normally I need 13 hours for my body to start to recoup. Not today (er, last night)! I was wide awake & feeling grand after a scant 10 hours. See? Fucking therapeutic! (I mean fucking's therapeutic... wait... you know what I mean, non?!)
And do you think I'd be that relaxed if the entire time I had to worry about this one simple act (I don't technically mean simple *ahem* it was quite involved... *blush* moving along...) possibly ruining my entire life with the potential of offspring?!!? Ugh. No chance.
Plus, last thing (I swear!), the world is fucking FULL of kids who don't have parents already!!! Do we need more?!!? Frankly, I think those peeps wasting time on envelopes should try making adoption easier instead of abortion harder.
Jin;
Never think you are spilling TMI. I am thrilled to hear that you had a jingasm that left you wilty and sleepy. Yay. That JDC sure is a mensch, isn't he?! And a damn fine person.
Great points, bubbie. I must tell you this: Frankly, I think those peeps wasting time on envelopes should try making adoption easier instead of abortion harder. took my mothah fuckin' wig off -- Wow, Jin, so TRUE. You're a brilliant dame.
As someone who spends more time than may be healthy or advisable on Catholic blogs, I am very familiar with this rhetoric.
Now don't shoot me - but I think many of you know that I do not believe in abortion. That said, I do not believe in telling anyone what to do.
And the reality is that if I did have to make that choice in days of fertility (i am over 50) I likely would have made just that choice at that time.
Allow me to say that I think that the issue gets over simplified and charged up on all sides of the argument.
And at the end of the day I think that the so-called (very heavy on the SO-CALLED party) pro-life movement is a movement lost. While I may agree with some of them, I am not a part of them for a reason.
People who are against abortion should put themselves in the position of doing something more constructive than sending red envelopes, shaming others for their choices and in the worst cases, killing and hurting others for making a choice.
Frankly - all joking aside, the red envelope people have the right to do their waste of time envelope campgain.
And I think your silver envelope campaign is the most appropriate response!
BTW, if one is to engage in conversations at intelligent Catholic (ok, hold your laughter, not as oxymoronic as you may believe) blogs, you find threads that really explore the idiocy of any notion that Roe v. Wade will be overturned.
It has not happened yet, even during the Bush years. The mention of the overturning of Roe v. Wade brings out the hysteria of the religious right (Yeah we can do it!) and the lather of the left (they can't do it!).
It is much more complex than that. If and only if and when Roe gets overturned, the problem becomes the problems of 50 states which can and will legislate their own actions.
NY, for example, will probably remain a place with reproductive freedom, should such a Roe v. Wade free world emerge.
When I ask my fellow Catholics who are ardently anti-abortion what will happen when Roe v. Wade is overturned, they all chime in that abortion will end.
I have to hold my laughter here... Nothing of the sort. It either becomes something you get in another state or something dangerous. Neither of which may be a good option.
If it were up to me, I would choose to explore all the reasons why women (pay close attention here) who want to keep babies end up aborting them. It usually boils down to issues of economics, health care, education, employment and support. If we lived in a society that truly was "pro-life" we would have those things in place. Jin's point about adoption is one element that is often quite ignored by those who would want to change Roe. It is ridiculous to make this a one trick pony but the right - Catholics and otherwise, have done just that.
The number of abortions would be reduced...not for draconian reasons and not for women who still wanted them.
Then I would make sure that those supports would stay in place for women who want to exercise them.
And for women who want choice, they have the choice to terminate their pregnancy.
A lot of people in the "life" movement are morally inconsistent and are ardently anti-social support programs and are very big on things like guns and the death penalty.
So the surface of the argument and what lies beneath is complex.
I should point out that the rhetoric is so strong - people truly believe that Obama is "pro-abortion." I often leave comments that say things like "Do you think that Obama envisions a world in which women have to-do lists that read like this:
1-Food Shopping
2-finish taxes
3-Call Katie
4-Get abortion
5-Schedule pedicure
And frankly they do think that.
What a fucking pity that is.
Sorry to be so long winded. I hope my point is clear.
I choose my path, you choose yours.
(Katie - this is total Blog Against Theocracy stuff. Did you cross post?)
I can break all this down for you.
What goes into or comes out of my body is nobody's fucking business.
If a fetus were a human being, a miscarriage would require a death certiciate, then a funeral with all the fixin's.
Abortion is a hot button issue because some men can't stand the idea of not having control of what women do.
Feh.
Katie, I fucking love you. I may print out your proposed letter and put it on my fridge, it's so beautiful.
So many good responses to this post--where to start?
I, like so many others, have my own abortion story. Perhaps we should all have a day to share our abortion stories.
Freida--you are so fucking brilliant it scares me sometimes. Yes, yes, and yes again.
Karen Zipdrive speaks for me on this topic. The anti abortion hysteria is all about control of women's bodies by the fundies. It's all about control. That's the bottom line. Not a bit of it is about the "sacred nature of all (potential) life, or a miscarriage would get the full post life works.
Frannygirl,
I hear you. you made excellent points. I appreciate your candor and your point of view. I respect where you're coming from a lot.
I must admit, my favorite part was when you wrote about a list we women make every day, i.e., grocery shopping, fill tank, get abortion, buy toilet paper.
zippy. really good point re: If a fetus were a human being, a miscarriage would require a death certiciate, then a funeral with all the fixin's. I kind of agree pretty hard with you on that one.
Aw, thanks, Liberality! I'm so glad you got my point. Yay. I knew you would, you being you and all :)
US, I know, do you believe all of these incredible dames and their kick assian feedback?! I am plotzarella.
As a commie pinko dude, I feel so left out. I wish I could abort a wingnut dwarf.
HAving grown up Catholic, I know of no other religious group that practise hypocrisy as spectacularly as they do.
They get abortions, practice birth control, cheat on their partners, get annulments so they can marry the mistress in the catholic church, and they take communion as though they've done nothing wrong.
Catholics cannot be outdone.
Whenever someone wants to tell me how wrong abortion is, I simply tell them it's a good thing never had then, right?
funniest post ever
Wow. I really shouldn't be surprised when I read things like this, but somehow I always am. My favorite part, as well, is the little side note on opening up envelope color options for those ass-backward hicks who don't live anywhere near kinkos.
This was a great post and your idea for a response to the envelope campaign was right on target. Fran also makes some great points that if the right wingers were more apt to invest in the things that would make women able to have the babies they can't afford to raise, then there would be less abortion. I am always amazed at the hypocrisy of the right wing in castigating women for having abortions but having no interest in helping poor children once they get here.
Randal, I betchya, ya know with the advent of designer babies and technology, not only could you get knocked up, but you coudl request a dwarf baby to abort. I'm just throwin' it out there as an option.
GiftedT, You know, it's funny, I remember when I was forced to go to Hebrew school when I was super young, I hated it. I was so irked by the whole thing. Anyway, over the years we, of course went to Temple. In my teens, I fell in love with being a Jew and the religion I was born into. Like you, I had my doubts and anger as a kid.
I know organized religion lacks popularity, but my question is do you really think all Catholics are hypocrites? I ask because I know some fierce and fabulous Catholics who are so open minded, they make me look tame and we know how difficult that is to do.
I'm just curious, doll. Would love to know what you think.
Right, Anastasia? I know! That part KILLED ME. Like you, I hoped not to be surprised, but things like this always do have a way of taking my wig off.
Mauigirl, I completely agree with you. You are soooo very right. I loved Fran's points, too.
Oh Katy, you've done it again. You've got me all fired up. I'm ready to incinerate several hundred thousand red envelopes. Do any of these dwarf-brain wingnuts have any idea what it's like to find out that you are pregnant and you have no idea how you can support the baby? Or what it's like to find you are pregnant when you already have several kids and your husband has just abandoned you? Or if you've been savagely raped by a bunch of guys in a back alley? Or if you know you're mentally unstable and could not possibly endure a pregnancy, much less be a good mother? And do these wingnuts know how teensy-weensy and un-baby-like a month-old feotus looks? They need to be reminded that most abortions are performed very early in the pregnancy. It's not like taking a cute little pink-cheeked, blue-eyed, curly haired, fully developed baby and shooting it in the head!
(I do admit that I have problems with third trimester abortions. If the baby can breathe on his own, that's a real problem, and I believe the mother should not have waited so long to decide she didn't want it. My remarks are directed to the subject of early abortion.)
I believe that much of the rabid anti-abortion sentiment is inspired more by hatred of sex than by love of babies. Sex for pleasure is a sin(especially for women), except for purposes of reproduction. Ladies, if you play, you must pay! And you will pay by keeping that fertilized ovum in place, by god! And that's why the wingnuts don't approve of contraception either. We certainly can't allow anyone to have sex just for the fun of it!
Okay, I better quit now. My keyboard is smoking.
Hope I'm not too late to add that I absolutely LOVE the word Retard, and constantly use it.
Fuck the retards if they don't like it.
I also like to say cripples and gimps.
But I say it with love, so it's all good.
And the abortion thing is different here. At least, it was when I had mine.
I was 17. Went to my doctor, then the hospital, it was all so boring and non-eventful. My boyfriend was there to pick me up at the end of the day. No trauma whatsoever.
Never regretted it, can't even remember what date/month it was, although you can be fucking sure I remember the boyfriend...Le sigh...
On a side TMI note, I got an IUD inserted today, bitches! Yay! No more stupid pill! Although, really? How can anyone NOT LOVE the condom?! Condoms rock! No wet spot!!!
ahahahah!
sorry for the hijacking.
Kisses to my fellow commenters/bloggies.
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