Sunday, December 07, 2008


I wrote the below ventfest last night thinking I would publish it. Instead, I passed out from egg-zzausgion.

I am so angry. Using Insanareesta's face as my menstrual product of choice this month couldn't quell my level of rage. In fact, neither could turning her into a train-pulling-record-breaking stunt cunt, or watching her mattress surf in freezing cold mud, naked, clinging to the rope attached to a John Deere tractor driven by a misogynist woman (a-la Palin), named Billie with a heart above the "I" (just to piss me the fuck off). Nothing will extinguish my severe level of frustration, not a damn thing.

Well, I guess moving will... help.

Snatcheeola continues to bang. Bang. Bang. When she smells smoke. I'm this close to posting an add on Craigslist for every smoker in LA to stand at her windows, chain smoking.

What DICKS me off the most is that the landlord is taking her side because she kvetches three times a day. Do you believe? Who does that? Worse, when I'm in the kitchen doing whatever-the-fuck-I'm-doing (dishes, heating something up, taking something out of the fridge, ya follow), she clangs pots and turns on the water full blast (FYI: You don't have to be wasteful to hate me).

I've never seen such a thing, it's appalling. This shit would never happen and never did happen in New York, or San Francisco, or anywhere else.

I swear I'm not being a giant pussy by not banging back, really. I'm handling the sitch another way. To be discussed when I can spill.

Oy yoy yoy. I wonder. In this deeply recessed economy, during this supposed "season of giving", what kind of person would choose to take time out of their day to make another person miserable? Why would you make time for such a thing? Then I think, something must have happened, a trigger of sorts that made her deranged. Not that I'm passing out compassion-candy-canes to her right now. Although, if she righted the wrong, I would.


Anonymous said...

Just found your blog and haven't read far enough but hope you're moving real soon.
So glad I found you.
You could've been my daughter in another life.

Mauigirl said...

I would totally bang back but hopefully you have an even better response planned. As the bard said, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."

Unknown said...

Having an insane neighbor is a terrible kind of hell to live in. Really the worst. My heart bleeds for you and in my head I am blowing smoke in her window and banging on her wall.

Tanya Espanya said...

First of all, I don't know why you're not living in my pocket so I can take you around with me everywhere I go.

Secondly, this is why I hate people. When we lived in friendly Miami, our neighbour was constantly humping professional gals and we always had to hear about it. I always complained to the management and they were all, yeah, that guy is awful...Then he'd go outside on the balcony and be all blab blabbing on his cell phone about whateverthefuck...since we kept our bicycles out there, I'd go out and ring my bike bell until he went inside.

But holyfuck, neighbours can make a person really crazy. hate hate hate your neighbour. Love love love you.

I need a nap now.


Cormac Brown said...

Trust me, there are neighbors like this even in San Francisco and no amount of medication or illegal substances are going to quell the voices in their heads.

Dale said...

Just say nay to neighbours. Fuckers.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I have creepy neighbors. I find opera played full blast is a great way to delight them during their late night arguments.

Randal Graves said...

If you murder her, we won't tell anyone.


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