Wednesday, October 15, 2008

As I Fantasize About a Sinusectomy


Let's discuss other creepy and surreal things, shall we? Fab.

First, the above photo is Sarah Palin in her office. Did she whack the bear herself? When she's cold, does she drape the bear over her body so they're lying face to face? The God damned animal's shoulder blades are still intact. And the bear looks like he's fucking the top of her settee. What's happening with the crustacean? Stuffed and real or fake? Did the huntress capture it herself?

Second, 33 Million Dollar home for sale in Bridgehampton. Originally built in 1898 by local nobility Dr. John Gardiner and named Dulce Domum, this country residence was set upon a 20-acre parcel 200 ft. above sea level. The soaring vistas viewed southerly across the farm fields to the ocean and north to the Connecticut shore from the 50 ft. observation tower are breathtaking 475 tons of local rock was used for the base foundation of this 12-bedroom compound, which consists of the considerable main house with multi-level stone terraces, a substantial guest house with a greenhouse conservatory overlooking a botanical nursery and a palatial gunite pool, a substantial barn artist studio with gym, living quarters with a 4-car heated garage. Lovingly restored and renovated in 1998, accommodating every modern amenity conceivable for a first class lifestyle. This dignified gated property consists of three single and separate parcels - all organic, replete with rolling distinguished lawns, walking paths, gardens and tennis retreat with basketball court and playground. A haven of luxury!

I find this to be terribly surreal and have some rhetorical questions. How does one shop for a 30MM dollar home? Do you flip through "For Sale" ads, bypassing homes for 10MM, 15MM and 20MM until you reach the coveted 30MM and say, "Ah, perfect!" Do you look online? Do you put the word out to mega rich friends? Do you email vulgar-displays-of-wealth-realty-and-associates and say, "Hi, I'm in the market for a 30MM house, do you have any for sale?" What do you wear to purchase a 30MM house with 11 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms? What criterion do you look for in a 30MM home? As you browse from room to room, do you actually say things like, "Oh, you know what, the layout of this living room is kind of a deal breaker, it's just too small. I was looking for 10,000 square feet, not 9,784." "There's a weird creak in the upstairs hallway." "I had my heart set on 12 bedrooms, not 11."

What issues could you possibly have with a 30MM home?!

Third, I have been sneezing for three-days straight. If I don't get a reprieve, I'm calling my allergist for a sinusectomy tomorrow.

19 comments:

FranIAm said...

Ugh that fucking bear.

Ugh that fucking 30MM house.

Ugh your fucking sinuses. Have you ever used a neti pot? I can't live without mine. Life changing. A pain in the ass to be sure, but over the long haul (operative phrase- long haul) it is brilliant.

Sending love that will crush your sinusy issues but not you.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

JG: Have had sinus problems my whole life and NOTHING has worked. I'm scared of surgery and prednisone.

But on a serious note...the MOCKPAPERSCISSORS crew alerted me to this PROP 8 monstrosity and as I've been on anti-homophobia run lately I re-comment here because you are an important LA blogger:

I’m a Scissorhead, but sadly the USA Latin-Blacklist (Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, Colombia, Venezuela, Ecuador, Bolivia, Peru, Uruguay, Paraguay, Chile and Argentina) makes the ACT of financial contribution to NO-ON-8 impossible for me. I believe parts of McCain-Feingold make any work-around impossible. All I can do is comment. My theme lately has been homophobia because of the Connecticut judicial ruling and subsequent legislative effort at a Prop8 equivalent in Connecticut.

I favor NO-ON-8 strongly. I favor Obama for president strongly. I all can give is my opinion because I obviously can’t vote in a US election.

The main issue this year in American politics has been race and that debate has been healthy. It’s important to confront and work through that issue. Social class has come up recently with regard to the sudden wholesale change in governing ideology in the US because of how the government has reacted to a series of financial crises. The agreement between right and left, if you will, on that issue has been worth something. It’s important for both sides to realize that they have friends on the other side on many issues. The rest of the developed world has passed the US by because they’ve in varying degrees adopted a new model of economic policy, foreign policy and social justice which borrows from both left and right but ends up far LEFT of anything any American can conceive of.

It is a wonderful sign that Paul Krugman, an American, won the Nobel Prize in Economics for his analysis and modelling of international trade because his views are very much in the vein of the “foreign” style on everything.

For the USA to move from where it is today towards that model, you have to fight hard on hard issues. Electing Obama is fine. It does nothing to create tectonic change, though. NO-ON-8 is in my mind an example of the kind of battles that can bring about a social contract more in the Krugman/Rest-Of-Developed-World style. There are others, of course, but your post is about Prop8.

This has been a theme for me since I began blogging. Fighting tooth-and-nail for gay rights and very strong anti-discrimation law that puts all citizens in the same status as citizens will drag a lot of other issues along with it. You guys have read my specific views on this on a number of blogs. It’s a crucial civil rights and modernizing fight because homophobia knows no boundaries. From the craziest Wingnut to the most earnest well-meaning liberal, the concept of gay sex, love and child-rearing is REPULSIVE. That’s where the gears grind. Not in the clinical argument. The Wingnuts have such antiquated notions of everything and have a lot of media control so they are an easy target.

Americans who truly believe in civil rights and civil liberties have to be willing to take on people who agree with them on other issues and never back down on this. Obama’s a good guy and has come a long way on the issue of gay rights and I respect him for that. I do not agree with his views on gay marriage. And while I have very radical views on racial equality (I write as a believer in reparations), I know that there exists WORSE homophobia in the African-American community than perhaps any other besides the Wingnuts. It’s less prevelant in the Jewish community overall but WORSE still in the 25% of that community which is Neo-Con. Issues such as “slavery/the church” and “the Holocaust in Europe” (I write as a Jew) must never be a trump card to shut any American up about the need for gay-rights not only as to marriage but the whole palette as well.

Another article of faith which cuts across all boundaries of American society is a belief in the morality of the death penalty and incarceration of children with adults. Again, Wingnuts love it. Liberals either like it or don’t care. No democratic country that is in better financial shape than the US is allows the death penalty or incarceration of children with adults. Or would ever consider implementing such laws.

There are others but those are your top two that can get the best results for everyone if the side of peace and justice wins the fight.

I know I insult a lot of nice people when I raise these two topics but I’m always willing to argue and I don’t want to get cynical about the US. The homophobia and punishment culture in the USA makes the US the international failure and joke that it is. Anyone who disagrees with my point of view knows where to find me on the telegraph-wire to argue.

TO MY ORIGINAL WORDS TO MPS, I add this:

It's possible I've lost touch with culture in California at least but I'll guess that given the popularity of the governor of the state I'm probably not too wrong on this. It's still weird to write, but I've read enough about how voting decisions are made at the margins and so forth.

If there are any straight guys of good conscience out there in California who read this blog and are kind of tempted to vote "NO" but have some problems with the "idea" of homosexuality, I've got an offer on this because I'm strong on NO but I can't vote or send money to aid the cause of NO.

I'm a straight guy, too. Check out our blog and read my topics if you like. I've always been involved in real "straight guy" stuff. I've done well as a money manager in derivatives, and as a quant-based sports bettor. I like to go fishing. I go the fights every time there's a card on in CdP and know a good deal about boxing. The sport, the business and the politics of it. I've had all sorts of experiences that may well be the apotheosis of "straight guy." I "present" very much as masculine. Gee whiz, I live in South America which I suppose one could tend to associate with all sorts of machismo and homophobia but it's not like that.

None of this has anything whatsoever to do with anything. I've known plenty of gay men and women who have done all the same stuff I have. I'm reaching for some kind of a semiotic thing here, fellers. As in IMAGE IS EVERYTHING, yeah? There's nothing "unmasculine" about opposing homophobia in all its forms or about hanging around with gay men and women if you share common interests and hobbies and the normal stuff.

So, JEWGIRL, put me down as the flag-carrier and perhaps one-man army of "STRAIGHT GUYS AGAINST PROP 8 AND HOMOPHOBIA AND FOR THE ENTIRE SO-CALLED 'GAY AGENDA'"

Spartacus said...

Katie, this home is in my neck of the woods on Long Island, and if you can see the shores of Connecticut from Bridgehampton, which is on the South fork of Eastern LI, you have to have a really clear day. That almost never happens out there, especially in the summer, when presumably, the property is used most.

But bet the farm that this property will be sold. Maybe not at the 30MM price tag, but it will move. Someone making gombeens of dough living in NJ or some other land-shacked locale will get a hard-on for this place and send a cadre of lawyers to negotiate a fair-market price and snap it up, use it rarely, then sell it when they need to buy the latest model of Gulfstream jet.

Randal Graves said...

Know what'll cure that sinus problem? Bear meat.

Oh, kelso, that's so gay of you.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

RANDAL THWEETIE: I'll see you in the men's room of the Minneapolis airport!

earlbo said...

Palin as President site.


Visit it, then start clicking around - make sure your speakers are on.

ROFLMAO....I only wish we could see Todd's naked butt walk in...or the Hockey stud with the overactive Johnson.

earlbo said...

You know, it's just one step



The Pachyderms Defamation League (PDL) called. They want the McKKKain campaign to stop sullying their reputation as intelligent, thoughtful, sensitive people PDQ.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Hitler and Stalin called McCain and Palin up and told then to cool it because they were going way too far and giving dictatorship a bad name

Karen Zipdrive said...

Palin's father shot that bear. The giant crustaceon is an Alaskan King Crab, presumably also shot by her father.
I'm sure if you smelled that bear's nose, it would reek of Jean Nate, Summer's Eve and ass.

earlbo said...

CNN's Kyra Phillips 'Cunt' Slip Up

Katie, everybody seems to be doing it, now.

CNN's Kyra Phillips was introducing a guest Roland Martin Wednesday afternoon when she could get the word "contributor" out, saying instead "cunt, cunt, contributor." But she was able to laugh after making the awkward mistake.

She was thinkin' of mcMisogynists term of endearment for CindyLou. Or how dubay pronounces Country. He makes it sound like a dirty word.

travelingman said...

I saw this photo back awhile when she was first nominated...why is PETA not protesting her every day? For the record I think the crab crawled out from under her skirt and is looking for todd to give him payback for planting him in mooseland.

John Donald Carlucci said...

When I fantasize about Palin and a bear the bear is on top.

JDC

WWW.DemocracyHypocrisy.com

Sara said...

When I first saw the bear, I thought someone had photoshopped it. Then I realized it was real as was the sea creature. I am not a member of PETA, but I do love animals and respect them as part of the woven fabric of our world. THAT DEAD BEAR CREEPS ME OUT!

Actually, I think we should be thankful for Palin. Look at all the great material we've gotten from her and I think choosing her damaged McCain's chances.

Just found your blog, love it.

Border Explorer said...

It takes a 30MM home to house a village....no..wait, did i screw that up?? damn...

DCup said...

If Katie gets a sinusectomy, I want a sinusectomy.

Maithri said...

What a great (and hilarious) blog,

That photo scares the bejeezus out of me (hang on is that how you spell bejeezus...if its not i just spelt it wrong again... what is a bejeezus anyway?...hmmm.. anyway i digress...

It really looks like that bear is having a snooze on that couch while that prehistoric lobster/crab looks on - or is he taking photos...

Can you tell I have a fever too ;)
lol!

Thanks for the laugh,

Peace and crustacean dreams, M

afeatheradrift said...

Ya forgot the poor king crab. He had a life too, before Sarah came along. Pity she only likes her animals dead.

One searches for a 30M house my dear, by discrete realtors and reading those funky "homes" magazines one finds at Barnes & Nobles. Ya know, the ones that sell for $15 and are with the conde nast type mags. Boats and cars too...oh they have their own section at the news stand, the rich do...hehehe

Distributorcap said...

that $30million house - MINE!
LOL

in the hamptons - 30 mil is the starting point

Cormac Brown said...

I gotta give it up for Sarah, some people get crabs, but she really gets crabs.

There is a house in Sea Cliff (that's Robin William's neighborhood to those outside of SF) that is going for about $24 million) and one on Broadway in Pac Heights for about $30 million.

 

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