New Millennium Depression

If we find ourselves in a Depression, like the Great Depression of 1929, what will life look like? What will be the plan? Will there be looting? Will homelessness increase? Will senior citizens and individuals who rely on government income and housing be turfed?

Will I still have to pay my debt to the IRS? Will I even be able to buy stamps? Will there be vegan and gluten free friendly lines? What about vegetarian soup kitchens? Will we be hunting and skinning chickens and drinking unpasteurized milk from the nipples of cows?

What will we wear? Will we be homeless chic? Will the Internet still be accessible and if so, from where? How will I get my prescriptions filled? Will pharmacists be a thing of the past? Will I get food stamps? How will they be delivered if the building I’m living in is foreclosed? Will I be kicked out, or will I be slumming it? Will there be enough water to shower? If so, how frequently? If I wanted to sell my worldly possessions, who will I sell them to? Will I have electricity? Will there be air raids for callback shits and giggles? What about gas masks? Will they be en vogue? Will we be a Deco nation again? Can we loot vinty boutiques for flapper gowns and hold hairdressers hostage to revamp our Do's? Will vacant buildings begin to crumble and echo sounds of former junkies now living in better quarters?

Specifically, what will happen if the market crashes? I don’t have a Do it yourself Depression kit. Moreover, I don’t think I have Depression skills, not physical ones anyway, and aren't those the ones that matter? Should I increase my exercise regimen? I can’t sew or darn socks. I can barely knit a sweater, though I can knit a scarf. Gloves are out. Oh, but gloves sans fingertips were all the rage during the Depression. Will they come back? Will we find ourselves hovering over garbage can fires at night? Will make our own firewood by tearing down houses we've looted. Assuming we're going to be a nation of looters, of course.

Should I take all of my money, not that it’s so much, out of the bank? Should I stop paying rent or send less each month and claim I need to save what little I have? Should I move in with my family? Oh, wait, I love them hard, but we’d kill each other. Hmm… wait, there is that looming Depression thing. What to do, what to do. What to do.

If we borrow that proposed 700 billion dollars, can we rename Black Tuesday Black Bush? The semi-crash we’re experiencing now isn’t a full-on crash, so there’s that. And I suppose that is what Bush is going for, right? I mean, right? That is his plan, isn't it? To turn us into a third world country or a depressed nation. The HAVES will no longer HAVE anything. The HAVE NOTS, let's face it, we're accustomed to a decent style of living, even if it isn't plush by other's standards.

What is the fucking DEPRESSION PLAN?! Somebody please tell me what we're going to do if we find ourselves in a Depression in the next few weeks, or months. The only upside that I can think of is that I'd be thin.