Sunday, September 21, 2008

New Millennium Depression

If we find ourselves in a Depression, like the Great Depression of 1929, what will life look like? What will be the plan? Will there be looting? Will homelessness increase? Will senior citizens and individuals who rely on government income and housing be turfed?

Will I still have to pay my debt to the IRS? Will I even be able to buy stamps? Will there be vegan and gluten free friendly lines? What about vegetarian soup kitchens? Will we be hunting and skinning chickens and drinking unpasteurized milk from the nipples of cows?


What will we wear? Will we be homeless chic? Will the Internet still be accessible and if so, from where? How will I get my prescriptions filled? Will pharmacists be a thing of the past? Will I get food stamps? How will they be delivered if the building I’m living in is foreclosed? Will I be kicked out, or will I be slumming it? Will there be enough water to shower? If so, how frequently? If I wanted to sell my worldly possessions, who will I sell them to? Will I have electricity? Will there be air raids for callback shits and giggles? What about gas masks? Will they be en vogue? Will we be a Deco nation again? Can we loot vinty boutiques for flapper gowns and hold hairdressers hostage to revamp our Do's? Will vacant buildings begin to crumble and echo sounds of former junkies now living in better quarters?

Specifically, what will happen if the market crashes? I don’t have a Do it yourself Depression kit. Moreover, I don’t think I have Depression skills, not physical ones anyway, and aren't those the ones that matter? Should I increase my exercise regimen? I can’t sew or darn socks. I can barely knit a sweater, though I can knit a scarf. Gloves are out. Oh, but gloves sans fingertips were all the rage during the Depression. Will they come back? Will we find ourselves hovering over garbage can fires at night? Will make our own firewood by tearing down houses we've looted. Assuming we're going to be a nation of looters, of course.

Should I take all of my money, not that it’s so much, out of the bank? Should I stop paying rent or send less each month and claim I need to save what little I have? Should I move in with my family? Oh, wait, I love them hard, but we’d kill each other. H
mm… wait, there is that looming Depression thing. What to do, what to do. What to do.

If we borrow that proposed 700 billion dollars, can we rename Black Tuesday Black Bush? The semi-crash we’re experiencing now isn’t a full-on crash, so there’s that. And I suppose that is what Bush is going for, right? I mean, right? That is his plan, isn't it? To turn us into a third world country or a depressed nation. The HAVES will no longer HAVE anything. The HAVE NOTS, let's face it, we're accustomed to a decent style of living, even if it isn't plush by other's standards.

What is the fucking DEPRESSION PLAN?! Somebody please tell me what we're going to do if we find ourselves in a Depression in the next few weeks, or months. The only upside that I can think of is that I'd be thin.

17 comments:

Roz Fruchtman said...

You are just too much Katie! The HAVES who will NO LONGER have! ROTFL

This makes me remember...

Before the dot.com crash I was out in the job market looking for employment.

The employment counselors -- if you can call them that -- in the agencies were obnoxious and down right mean.

They absolutely haunted you UNTIL you got there and then you NEVER heard back or they would not take your calls. And no, it was not just me!

The kicker came when the dot.coms crashed and those very same obnoxious emloyment counselors were writing asking if I knew anyone who could use them!

Now I share this with no glee for anyone else's probelms, but... the picture you painted made me think of it all again!

I once lost out on a job -- at a dot.com -- because I asked - what the hours were - AFTER they offered me the job! I was told I did not fit because I was a clock watcher! ROTFL

I wonder where all those wonderful individuals are now!

Roz
http://www.SayItWithEcards.com

DCup said...

We'll be thin and sytlish, I think. Will everything be in black and white again? Will the color drain out of the world? Will we have to wear bubushkas and ride in ox carts? Well, actually, since we can't afford hairdresses (unless we kidnap them)or cars or gas, I suppose babushkas and oxcarts might be in order.

I think we'd better plant some more stuff in the garden, just in case...

Katie Schwartz said...

Roz, that is so offensive, I can't believe that happened to you. How disrespectful to contact you and think you'd refer them to anyone after they treated you like such shit.

Oy vey! I am so sorry. They suck ass.

Distributorcap said...

rumor has it there is a run on alpo at the Grand Union here in the city...

Katie Schwartz said...

I thought about the black and white thing, too, DivaD. so glad you mentioned it. Bubashkus and ox carts are entirely too funny.

hahahahha.

You get it. You get me.

Katie Schwartz said...

Oh, God, DCap, that is so fucking hilarious and sick.

DivaJood said...

Bubushkas and ox-carts will never be in vogue again. But I really could get tight with fingerless gloves, those are so special. And where will we get our prescriptions filled? Why, Wal-mart, of course, with all those people with their happy smiley faces.

Really, I've been wondering about all this as well. On the other hand, if Bush gets his way and the powers fall to the Treasury Department, and if John McCain winds up in the White House, we'll have nothing to fear. Phil Gramm will be in charge of everything.

thailandchani said...

I guess the protections that have been built in since the depression of 1929, there won't be absolute devastation. Perhaps there will be some common sense instead. People will simply. Values will shift. People will matter more than profits.. and...

Oh, heck! I'm dreaming again. Excuse me while I wake up.

:)


~*

Mauigirl said...

What about dance marathons? Will I have to go to one? I'm not good at pulling all-nighters anymore...

The scary thing is, they don't HAVE a Depression Plan!

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

Depression plan?

Take two quaaludes and call me in the morning.

John McCunt said...

Hey Kitty!
My team found you in that "internet" - a video that shows you with your pink shirt:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_gYaDAUR5o

You have nice hair.

John McCunt said...

Btw, I forgot to ask you if you have visited that terrorist Zaid Meetah at sm1 ?
What did he show you? Do you pass the data to the CIA or to the Mossad? :o

afeatheradrift said...

Gosh, Fran is a pain, she keeps finding all these great sites, and my life is withering away as I have to read ANOTHER blog. Yours is tops Katie, and I'm your new best friend. I'll pick up and feed and add you to my next blog roll update. Thanks for the visit! and the linky down below. Your best friend, Sherry! LOL. Great posts!

Randal Graves said...

And people used to scoff when I told them I barely have anything in the bank. Sure, I have nothing outside the bank either, but those joke's on you Junior Hedge Funders! (just not your boss, he'll still have his 42 homes and private jet)

dguzman said...

Great questions all! I need to start looking for a big kerchief so I can put all my belongings in it and hang it on stick. Nothing says DEPRESSION like a kerchief on a stick.

Spartacus said...

We'll go to war...

Madam Z said...

Maybe we could send 700 billion Prozac tablets to the Wall Street rascals to ease their depression...

 

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