Monday, December 17, 2007

10 Great Ways to Be Sure You Will Die Spiritual

Here's a sampling of the below video.... Do not get comfy. Seek only to be filled by Jesus. Don't be a friend of the world, that's adultery. Only be friends with God. If you listen to Jesus, you can't be co-opted. Don't put a crippled lamb on the alter. Man up. When he forgives us, he forgets we whacked him. That Jesus is such a mensch. Stop playing footsie with other religions. If you preach self-help and someone drops dead without optioning into J's program. Their blood is on your hands. Make sure other people are comfy. Tickle their ears. Try to help God along. Don't get twitchy, he's coming. Chill. Watch it.


Anonymous said...

"...Seek only to be filled by Jesus..."

I did!
And what came of it?
A yeast infection!
Cleanliness is next to godliness?
My arse!

bizQuirk said...

A true story:

We had evangelists in the neighborhood here in San Mateo. It's a very gentile area - which is cool. They were not ready for this funky Jewboy, oh no...

"Have you accepted Ch---st to be your L-rd?"

They stopped in front of me and (I never usually get involved in dialog) and I said:

"We would kill him again the rebel and sweep you bastard gentiles aside for the advent of the Jewish King!" (by sweep aside, I mean, with a broom or a swiffer).

"There is nothing in the new testament but lies and synthetics! (I reached into my pocket for a handful of pills, and looked at my Christian audience), ahhhh...medicine! Painkillers!

"like the stories that lull Christendom to sleep, you, with your moral superiority, watched my brothers die at the hands of your forebears. Good medicine.

I gulped my coffee and swallowed a handful, "we didn't know the camps lay outside der towne!"

Bastards - that one renegade (who was educated, according to Gurjieff, in Egyptian religion) never preached the ersatz Peace and tolerance that you so espouse. He wanted to tear dwon Rome at the Jews Expense. Read the "Master and Margarita", for the true story.

Christ was a wayward psychic.

And those that claim his legacy in the streets, pushing it down the throats of we the wise protectors of all spirituality. We (Jewish Buddhists, and Christians who share internal love for fellow man, why are they called same name as evangelicals?)

Damn you off my block or this Jewish warrior will come back on his motorcycle and beat you with a kosher salami. Fuck off!

I am the Messiah.

Bubs said...

"There IS a place where we submit to each other in love..."

Bottoming your way to salvation? Whew. Ted Haggard is just the tip of the iceberg.

Chaylene said...

I can tell by his voice that he has never ever, not once, had his penis in someone's mouth.

Creepy said...

"filled by Jesus"???

Is that how those priests get the alter boys to open up and say "ahhh?"

And J.C. must be packing quite a meat hammer if he's "filling" all of his follwers. I need to strap a roll of quarters to my dong to fill most women.

Anonymous said...

And the 'Altar' boys too creepy!

FranIAm said...

I hate this shit, I really do. These people are completely fucked up.

And keep in mind, I actually do attend church.

What bullshit this is.

Mauigirl said...

If Jesus were to appear today he'd probably be scorned and reviled just as he was the first time. And by the same ones that profess to believe in him - because he'd be preaching stuff they wouldn't want to hear!

Anonymous said...

If Yeshua Ha Nostri would protest the current Jewish thought leadership, he would be a member of the Knesset.

What you see in the New Testament is in no way a reliable record of the scandalous fool's ravings. If you want the glimpse of the truth, regarding an evil man, an evil intent, and what might have been, read Gurdjieff, and Maimonides.


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