I'm Menstruating and More!



This afternoon I started my menses. Last night, I was in crampsnatchville. Today, the cramps are very heating pad friendly and the flow is steady as she womb rolls. No clotting. No tempests. Just standard menstrual happenings in flangette town. Tonight I am prepared for a war zone and believe you me, I will win the war.


According to Spinner.com, LL Cool J's pre-concert peenyquirements are "(1) small bottle of Johnson & Johnson Baby Oil and 24 long stem de-thorned roses".



Let me tell you why I love him so hard for this, he's creating a romantic masturbatory experience and sharing it with the world. The visuals are fabulous. I imagine he dims the lights. Stands in front of the mirror and slowly takes off his shirt, smirking at his reflection and gushing at the image of himself. He watches himself jerk off and cum into each rosebud. It's just a hunch, ahhhkay. According to rumor, his cock is otherworldly huge, like vadgey run for your life huge.



Speaking of cocks, check out today's spam headline that came in my box: stimulate a tremendous shlong Katie. Spammers might not know my gender, but at least they know I'm a Jew. Props, children, props.


You must, must, must read Guthy's latest 6S, Juniper Place, it's an excerpt from her second novel and it is so beautifully written. You'll fall madly in love with this character in just six small sentences. Run. Read. Now.

Comments

Cup said…
It should be federal law that LL Cool J never wear a shirt. Think of the morale boost it would give this Bushed-up country of ours. (Yeah, I'm trying to start everyone saying "Bush" instead of "fuck." Let's save "fuck" for the fun things.)

I got thisclose to Mr. Cool J back in my Coca-Cola days. We got word that he was downstairs in the company store, so the Gay One and I rushed down the flight of stairs to get a glimpse. Coulda touched him. Shoulda touched him. Touched myself when I got hom.

Enjoy the menses, doll. Hope it's not a Busher this round.
3:52 AM
Cup said…
Um ... that should read got HOME. I'm so excited reliving that Cool J moment, my fingers want to tap something other than the keyboard.
3:54 AM
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