Oops


My divine cleaning diva now knows that I masturbate and it makes me a lil' uncomfortable. She's such a doll this broad. Since The Kid died there are some things I haven't been able to clean, so she comes in once a month to clean those things. I'm a freak, I know. When I'm ready, I'll clean those things myself. Anywho, I forgot that she also rips through drawers to organize them. I also forgot to hide my tools of the trade. You'd think she'd have left that drawer alone once she opened it. No. Not her. She organized my tools, according to size no less. Oy vey a shmear. Personally, I woulda left it alone. You know it has to be discussed, right? The question is, should I buy her one, and discuss that way, or should I ask her to refrain from organizing that particular drawer? Thoughts?


Did everyone have a delish Thanksgiving? Big weekend plans?


My Internet was down. It's back up. My modem peeled. The man came out today and gave me a new one. Ain't he sweet. Fortunately, when I heard the bleep-bleep-bleep of a truck outside, I flew onto the stoop ready to grab him. He had my name down as David Lieberman. I was insistent that he realize he was there for my jewrack, not some Jewjunk. How you get David Lieberman from Katie Schwartz will haunt me almost as much as Lady Hortz, which was way more plausible... I'M JUST SAYIN'.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Perhaps she may just think these pearl polishing widgets are special Jewish kitchen gadgets form Wusthof, Victorinox, Wenger, et cetera.
You know, for those special meals during the High Holidays and all.
7:54 PM
Al Sensu said…
Now let's talk about my cleaning lady fantasies...
8:31 AM
Adam Deutsch said…
Isn't there a scene just like that in like every Bond flick?
11:48 AM
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said…
You remind me of all the times I had to hide my porn mags as a teenager. My crazy aunt would throw them away and hit me with a belt if she found them, crazy fucking bitch.
12:06 PM
Anonymous said…
First I laughed really hard.
Then I had to share with MathMan (The Honey).
Then I thought about the mess that our toys are in. There are toys in a drawer, toys in a lockbox that doesnt' lock, lube here and there....
Could you send your lady over, please?
6:26 PM
Writeprocrastinator said…
David Liberman? Pleased to meet you, my name is Lanie Lefkowitz.

Your cleaning lady is a little too thorough.
1:26 AM
numbsain said…
The answer is clear, hopefully you have a female pet, cat will do but a large dog or goat is preferable. Next time she comes to tidy up the tools, be conspicuously situated in the living room with the goat on your lap and use one of your least favorite toys to gently probe the goat's pooper while making goat orgasm noises ventriloquist style. If she still wants to color coordinate your "arse"nal of buzzbies
paint them with some burnt umber on the tips. there's got to be a limit to what she'll touch.
2:07 AM
Creepy said…
My cleaning gal never goes through my drawers. How the hell did you pull that one off?
5:23 PM
Bacon Lady said…
I've always wanted a cleaning lady, but with dogs that can't be left outside for very long, I thought I was SOL.

Knowing they'll organize your snatchy treats changes everything.
3:13 PM
Dale said…
I couldn't take my eyes off the book cover, I hope he's got terrible aim.
5:55 PM
Coaster Punchman said…
I had the same reaction as Scorpios - maybe she didn't know what they were.

I'm pretty good about not leaving anything untoward out in the open for our cleaning lady, but one time we did leave a small bottle of flavored lube on the lower shelf of a night stand. When I got home from work it was displayed proudly on the middle of the top shelf. Felt like she was telling me something, e.g. "put your filthy items out of my sight next time I come over!"
8:44 AM
Eebie said…
I recommend you clean them before you use them again, especially if the charge was weak.
8:03 PM
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