Monday, October 01, 2007

Fuckin Tits


Flaunt your beautiful boobies for Boobiethon this year and/or make a donation. Ya like em'? You want keep em'? Save em'.

It's been a surreal few days. I think my family is fast becoming a poorly made, goyisha revision of The Thornbirds. I just need a gay priest to fall in love with. Know any?

I've also been fielding questions about the whereabouts of The Kid. I'm trying to handle it graciously. My responses are contingent upon my mood. It's just too overwhelming sometimes to engage in deathversations. There are two questions that bug the shit out of me. How did he die? I am guilty of asking that one, too. The second one I wouldn't dream of asking, How old was he? As if a certain age justifies the death. I know. I know. I know, everyone deals with death their own way. Sing that song and dance somewhere else, sister.

By Sunday, I was on dead dog overload, so when I was asked how The Kid was doing, I said, he's fine. The guy responded and said, I'm glad cause I really like him. My guilt has guilt. I'm gonna fly by the coffee shop sometime this week and tell him my son peeled.

I'm ovulating. Oh, that reminds me, I need to call my slumlord because strange, cummy looking water is dripping from my faucets. I have oyska bottles of Whole Foods water so I don't get knocked up or diseased. What can I tell you-- I'm so boring right now.

6 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I just need a gay priest to fall in love with. Know any?"

Get thee to a Catholic church. A 50/50 chance, ya know?

EditorJDC said...

Only if you are a young boy my friend.

JDC

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I k now a gay priest, he lives in a fablous palace in Rome. Oh one more thing, he used to be in the Hitler Youth. Is that okay?


No prob on the ovulation, I'm shooting blanks. Wink, wink.

Mountjoy said...

"strange, cummy looking water is dripping from [her] faucets"

It must be synchronicity that I can look at the lactating Lady M with exactly the same thought, mustn't it?

Beth said...

My mom's minister gave a sermon last summer about where animals go. He's convinced there's a heaven for animals. And he's a full-on Bible-believin' boy.

Madam Z said...

How comforting it would be if we could all be "convinced there's a heaven for animals." When I was a child, my mother used that line to console us kids when our pets bit the dust. The kitty went to "cat heaven," our dog went to "dog heaven," and yes, there was even a "goldfish heaven." I can't do that for you, Katie, though I wish I could. All I can do is send you my sincere sympathy and refrain from asking you any boorish questions. Be well, sweetie.

 

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