I have now heard everything


I am having a severely detached-from-myself day. it has been the most awkward, strange, surreal, bizarre day ever. should I really be shocked that at 6:30 this evening it got even weirder? probably not. but, I am.



the folks who groom my dog are simply lovely. a pair of the most festive queens you'd ever want to meet, in a pink saal-on in weho with a disco ball and paw signed photos of their groomables. (ps) juice did not make the fame wall, but that's ok. we're not into breed cuts. we're puppy-cut-oatmeal-bath purists.



I scheduled a bath and a summer cut for the kid tomorrow @ noon. I got a call this evening at... 6:30. good. you're keeping pace.



R: katie, D walked out today and I think he quit.
ME: oh. really?
R: yeah. he got into a HUGE fight with one of our customers about paris hilton.
ME: w-w-w-what?
R: yeah. the customer said that paris hilton's toenails were dirty and D screamed, "no, they weren't, you dirty lying hag." and he screamed, "I quit" and, poof. he was gone.



at this point, I'm thinking, are you fucking kidding me? an argument about paris hilton's toenails not only took place, but actually cost someone their job?!



my mind is now racing, D must be a drug addict. you judgmental bitch. don't say that. he's lovely. he's so nice. or not. wait. I've allowed a drugged up queen to bathe my son. what if he dropped him and caused all of his knee and back problems? oh my god, I am a horrible mother. I should be locked away for negligence. but, wait, it's such a festive environment. hi, katie, obviously. drugs. who the fuck fights over paris hilton's toenails and practically decks someone over it. better yet, actually gives up a paycheck for it?!



are you mother fucking cock sucking kidding me with this?!

Comments

Tanya Espanya said…
So D was grooming Parasite's slimy toenails because a regular human salon wouldn't take her, right?

Good riddance to that freakshow, I say! And you should pitch a fit that they even allowed her to share the same space as Louie.

OMG Louie rocks!
I luv Louie!
U rule!
Mwahzzzz! (that's slurpy kisses!)
7:53 PM
Eebie said…
I don't know what to day. You make light of it but I have too many close friends with wonderful pets that they love and this story sounds too much like "Dracula's daycare" or "Jekyll & Hyde's Day Spa for Dogs". I don't know what to say. I hope you're ok.

When you and Louie come to the UWS, you'll both be getting a hug.
8:23 PM
Al Sensu said…
I always though Paris was a dog.

Finally, proof.
9:44 PM
Writeprocrastinator said…
First? They don't have Louie up on the wall of "fame?" Then it's a "wall of shame."

Second? If he had dropped Louie (which is impossible because Louie would fly), Super Lou would've been skittish and he definitely would've exhibited signs of pain or stress. 'kay?

Third, you know her toenails aren't dirty. In the Hilton tradition, she has the help lick them clean, just before flogs them.
10:00 PM
Mister Mxyzptlk said…
It's her fingernails that are dirty from picking the skeev outa her snatch.
10:28 PM
Romius T. said…
Wait a minute her snatch is smooth and creamy. I hear it tastes like r/c cola.

which is awesome.
10:46 AM
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