Monday, April 02, 2007

she whacked my yen for cheesecake

I am an ebay whore. seriously. is it any surprise being such a vinty whore? anywho, I accidentally happened upon the most disgusting description of a candle I've ever seen in my life. title:


candle or not, since when is grubby and bundt a perk in the same sentence?

Welcome!! Here i have made my gorgeous Bunt cake.It is all soy and i started with a solid bottom,mega scented in Cheesecake.Tads of Nutmeg are in it also. Then i grubbied it mega tons with MORE Cheesecake.

she is so busy grubbying, she grubbied the shit out of this poor, sfachachta candle and oyskad it to death. are you nauseas yet? because I'm ready to vomit, ok.

I added extra large Strawberry embeds

you can't do that! you can embed strawberries, but you can't add strawberry embeds. oy vey!

that are all scented in my Signature scent.

from the fold of her vulva?! I mean really.

Six wicks for a perfect,even burn and the wicks are all tied with matching homespun.

??!??!?!?!?!?! matching homespun WHAT? you've got the adjective, now bring it home with a noun, baby.

If you look close, you will see a gold heart.It says: Made With Love. Which is my logo.

she has a logo. news?!

I topped the entire bundt off with tons of sugar crystals and glitter. This baby weighs in at over FIVE pounds!! Now if you are buying this straight out of my store,then you get to choose if you want it with wicks or a flameless light. If its auction, then it will be the wicks.I know you will just love this highly scented beauty. I always combine shipping too. And feel free to peek around my store.I have tons more items at very reasonable prices.

and now for the meskite candle. are you ready?

update: ok, I've now lost my mind and hit her store. I'm worried. grubby snack cakes, grubby prim peanut butter and jelly, grubby GRUNGY pillar candle with flicker tea light prim. easter eggs with oatmeal. uh-ah-uh-wha?!


Dale said...

It's in the bible isn't it? ...and the grubby shall burn...

Mountjoy said...

I was just about to hit the "Bid Now!" button on a grubby tart, until I realised it was a slice of pie, or maybe a candle (I'm still not sure).

Either way, it wasn't the skanky hoe bargain I thought it was...

Writeprocrastinator said...

I am so very, very, very, confused. Where does the food end and the wax begin?

Or, is she serving food-scented wax?

Or is it wax-scented food?

Speaking of "embeds," is this more of that reprehensible Repub-speak for reporters? Because I don't reporters, or wax in my food. Gaaaaahhhhh! This is driving me nuts!

Writeprocrastinator said...

And since when has "grubby" become a positive thing???

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Because I don't reporters"

should read, "because I don't want reporters." I mean, let's face it, they don't make for good eating. The world has made them bitter and cynical, and there isn't enough hot sauce to get rid of that.

Nicky said...

This is the most bizarre thing I have seen all day.

I guess I find it especially horrifying, given my profession (pastry chef). A) why would you make something that looks like dessert that isn't dessert; B) if you insisted on making something that looks like dessert but isn't dessert, why would you make a fake dessert that emulates nasty, processed, mass-produced Cheesecake Factory-style desserts rather than something that looks delicious; and C) why would you use words like "grubby" (and worse yet "grubbied") and "prim" to describe these products, as if it's a positive thing?

I think I need to lie down.


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