Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
menses commenced at 10:15 this morning. I'm expecting a full blown war zone betwixt my femine thighs and meaty jew lips. cramps, epic. the egg, pissed off about lack of fertilization and taking a no hostages approach to menstruation this month. little bitch. here's a newsflash, ovum, I call the shots, not you. you want to be pissed off at someone, you should've thought of that long before choosing me as your host in this lifetime. 
Comments
My thoughts are with you!
The juxtaposition of your text, with that Scot Tissue ad, is too much. Your blog is just like the text in that ad:
"Peculiarly adapted to the needs of women of intuitive daintiness."
Well at least now I know what Grandma is gonna dab her guppy with when she runs out of bog roll. AND it explains the stains on her sheets...
I have never had the pleasure of dating a member of the tribe, if I ever do, this is something I should expect? Does it impede intimacy or does it cushion it? Is this like "Bumper Bowling"? Does one have to hold them like the tongue of a shoe when you are inserting? If I were into stereotypes should this be applied to all Jewish ladies? Is one less Jewish if their lips are dainty?
My gosh, I've lead a sheltered life!
-Amber