bottoming for my bosses

dear bosses,



hi. how are ya's? how's it going? great, I'm sure. all four of ya's live up my ass. what a thrill for you's that must be and for such cheap rent, too!



unfortunately though, this is a notice of rent increase. I know. I know. it sucks. but, with all of the additional tenants ya's have shoved up there and the additional real estate you've built, and are now occupying, I have to charge more.



thanks to you's, I have a village up my ass and constant foot traffic on rectal way. and, not lackadaisical foot traffic, runners-- some with heels and all with purpose. it's a bit exhausting and anally challenging. I'm so bunged up, oatmeal and laxatives couldn't save me now.



don't get me wrong, being your ace bottom has been so, wow- rewarding, I can't stop orally gushing about it. I'm thrilled. truly. but, I'm concerned that if I don't charge additional rent now, ya's-'ll begin construction on more villages and eventually a highway connecting them. and you know what that means, workerbees in their cars, zooming at high speeds along the intestine-405 so's not to be late to meet the king of my ass that is the four of you.



so, dear bossy bosses, ya's have one week to pay or quit.



signed,
your loyal bottom

Comments

Mountjoy said…
And I thought "queening" was a lost fetish...
2:43 PM
Johnny Yen said…
A boss is like a diaper-- always on your ass, and full of shit.
12:16 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SPEAKING OF ABORTIONS

Image
Menses just commenced. It's 1:14 AM. I was asleep. That felt good. At 12:24, I popped up. I think I'm awake, maybe awakeish is more accurate. I'm always surprised when those handy-soapy-foamy-bottles run out of soap. For some lame ass reason, it never occurs to me that they ever will. They feel so lifetime supply , even though the bottles aren't more than 8 inches tall. Similarly, when I flip on a light switch and the light flickers to its death, I think "Now what?" Duh, schmuckette, you change the fucking light bulb . Intellectually, I know this, yet for some odd reason, it never comes to mind. In fact, a few years ago, my mother walked into my house and said, "Why aren't the lights working?" I said "I don't know, I flick the switch and they don't work." After a fit of uproarious laughter, she said, "Would it kill you to change the light bulb?” Hmmm. "No", I shamefully responded. I wonder why... it is that I hav...
Read more

Best Spam Evaaaaaaaaaaah -UPDATE-

Image
Look what I found in my box today?! Aside from the fact that I'm a VADGE and there is a glaring typo " fie" instead of " fine" , they've made this dame a raging cunt- hate that (and her high, tight rack. Bitch ). Women don't behave this way. Women aren't cunty. Women don't emasculate men. That is not how we roll, yo. UPDATE : From the fabulous and flawless MonkeyMucker : Actually hon that's not a typo. the word "fie" is a somewhat rare wordthat is used to denote scorn or used in place of a swear or curse word.It was more popular in the old days, like say during the 16th thru 19th centuries . Who knew?! I had no idea. Simianboy, you're a wealth of knowledge. Grazie. Penis enlargement patches also do not work. If you want to keep your junk intact, don't be stickin' things in it, or on it that can damage the meat bat. Don't let anyone make you feel badly about your manhood, either. It's your dick, live it. Love it....
Read more

Get Listen Up

Image
Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up ? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh . Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, " Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo ". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word. Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article ...
Read more