Saturday, December 16, 2006

and now for... ffartkisaf

I am joining the legions of bloggers with a queer ass friday thing, but I'm an aquarius, so I'm posting it on saturday's.

welcome to, friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.

1: waking up with an ant infested vagina
ants freak me out. they're highly organized and travel in massive packs. what if pussy juice is a delicacy in the ant world but nobody talks about it?! underwear isn't protection enough and we all know that. tights or nylons are my best bet for keeping my vadgey safe at night when I can't monitor what gets in and what gets out. though I might get a yeast infection, it's comforting to know that I won't wake up with ants swarming my lips and racing in and out of my v-canal.

2: waking up to an army of spider babies spilling out of one of my ears
I know the urban myth about a broad waking up and finding what appears to be a giant zit on her face. squeezing it and FREAKING OUT because of the army of vigilante spider babies pouring out. I'm not stupid. of course that's fake! it doesn't even make sense. what schmuck isn't going to notice a spider burrowing into her face for fuck sake?!

for me it's a two-fold issue: the idea of spiders using my ear like a 1950's make out lane to have reckless, unprotected sex because that's plenty disturbing and you know it. but, even worse is the fear of spiders loving my ear so much, they use it as a birth canal for their spawn. not only is that a vile thought, it's creepy and rude!

8 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

Perfectly rational fears in a way and before anybody says different, think about how you flinch when you see something skitter on by on the periphery of your vision.

As cockroaches, mice, rats, junkies, and crackheads are par for the course at some of my work sites (because they come out mostly at night) I'm somewhat inured to them. But every once in awhile, they still manage to startle me.

It's that instinct that goes all the way back to when we were kicking it in caves...

Amy Guth said...

If you are an Aquarius, that means you have a birthday soonish, no?

What will we do to celebrate in the blogosphere?

Anonymous said...

Now I'll dream of creepy crawlies. But it's better than the Barbie nightmares.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. Your blog is a scream! It's a breath of jewey air for us ex-pats in the Deep South.

Anonymous said...

Now I'll dream of creepy crawlies. But it's better than the Barbie nightmares.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. Your blog is a scream! It's a breath of jewey air for us ex-pats in the Deep South.

Anonymous said...

Now I'll dream of creepy crawlies. But it's better than the Barbie nightmares.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. Your blog is a scream! It's a breath of jewey air for us ex-pats in the Deep South.

katie schwartz said...

oh shit, wp, that's funny in a most uncomfortable way!

katie schwartz said...

why yes it is aimish. when is your birthday?

katie schwartz said...

dcup, you're a broad after my own heart. we share the "at birth" busty thing. your blog is quite fabulous, too, my dear. thank you for adding me!!!

 

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