Friday, October 06, 2006

1st annual blair warner pussy eating contest!

blair warner loves jesus with all her heart. he's her daddy. still, this raises a question for me, though they seem to spend an awful lot of time together, does jesus really have time for a face to pussy with blaire?

and, what about blair's husband? she loves him with all her heart too. but, he's a serious shim who SCREAMS gas station, glory hole queen.

poor blair really doesn't have many pussy noshables in her life, now does she? in fact, it wouldn't come as a shock to me to learn that she has yet to even experience the wonders of good ol' fashioned american clit suckin', finger fuckin' goodness.

being a humanitarian, I am putting my most selfless foot forward in the hopes that we can crown one lucky king, queen or quig, the official 2006 blair warner pussy eater.


eligibility for the 2006 blair warner pussy eating contest: must be prepared to travel extensively for maximum dining opportunities. he, she, shim must excel in the art of the nosh with a track record to prove it! professional training with degrees, certificates and letters of recommendation are mandatory.


Candidates interested are to write a 200 word essay using this intro sentence, I may not have the cachet jesus has, but I am the best pussy eater in the world because... essays should be emailed in the face of the email, to: Ieatblair@bwpec.com. all attachments will be deleted.


finalists will be flown to texas, blair's home state, for a poolside, afternoon nosh on blair's pussy at the best western inn. so, get your mangos and ho's out, and start practicing!


the winner of the 2006 blair warner pussy eating contest: wins a red, white and blue life size silicon replica of blair warner's pussy sitting atop an enviable silver crown. all expenses paid travel with blair. and, of course, blair's needy, giant, god fearing pussy.


I'm counting on you to make this a world class annual event!


go with god,


katie

12 comments:

yournamehere said...

I don't have to prove anything to Lisa Welchel. If she wants someone to eat her pussy like he just got bit by a snake and her clit contains the antidote, she knows how to find me.

diane said...

I really thought you were being too hard on poor Lisa until I read this in her description about Haven, the middle girl:
"Haven is strikingly beautiful and very intelligent. She has dreamed of becoming the first female President of the United States since she was a preschooler. Thankfully, she's beginning to reconsider that goal."
THANKFULLY SHE'S BEGINNING TO RECONSIDER THAT GOAL. Yes yes of course, Lisa. She should be a retired child-actress turned cuckoo-homeschooling-SAHM, right?
*shudder*

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Thankfully, she's beginning to reconsider that goal."

Shit, that's exactly why I never click their blogs. No, she truly cannot become President, when she has women like Lisa keeping her down.

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

Lick her pussy? I'm an imp. I can dive all the way in and lick her cervix!

n.v. said...

Are Canadians allowed to enter the contest?

n.v. said...

I'm asking for a friend . . .

n.v. said...

Diane, where did you read that shit?

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

OK, I see you've changed the post to go from real to fictional. Now, since I am fictional, I guess I can eat fictional pussy.

Wha happen? Did Lisa put the fear of God into you?

katie schwartz said...

mullet boy: in what section of the bible can lw find you?

diane: I KNOW. I read that too. it's so shameful, isn't it?! to think that a mother would want her daughter to limit her aspirations and dreams. it's sick and it's sad.

right on, wp. so sad.

mister, mister: hahahahahaha. and, believe me, I am not afraid of posting about lisa. I have posted so much about her, but I thought for this particular entry, her "character" would be way funnier. yes? no?

vocab... canadians are permitted entry provided they have a valid and current passport.

love you vocab. you have to read lisa's journal! she posts all kinds of shit, yo. one of my favorite entries is where she goes into painstaking detail about science fiction, that it's the devils work and parents who allow their children to participate are basically no better than abusive parents. it's pretty sick.

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

OK, I'm working on that story then.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"one of my favorite entries is where she goes into painstaking detail about science fiction"

And just how exactly would we qualify her "conversations" with Jesus? If "intelligent design" isn't sci-fi, what is?

Mountjoy said...

I am soooooooo pissed that isn't a real email address, Katie...

 

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