Saturday, July 08, 2006

top 10 reasons to menstruate

1. cramps of epic proportions.

2. being a hostage to a microscopic egg that gives entirely new meaning to tsunami

3. getting to wear fly encycolpedias between your legs for seven fucking days.

4. when you have no desire to speak with someone who asks you how you're doing, say, menstruating. you? they glare disdainfully and bolt.

5. blood stains are hot.

6. crying at lifetime television for women, semicolon movie commercials... and considering watching them. ewww.

7. water retention is slimming.

8. craving salt. no sugar. no salt. no, sugar, god dammit.

9. ferocious headaches that make your brain feel like it's being split in two with a jack hammer and eaten by hannibal lechter.

10. oil slick worthy skin and abnormally giant blemishes.


katie said...

this is a test

Write Procrastinator said...

"blood stains are hot."

If you're trying to hook up with guys name Vlad, Renfield or Bundy, yeah.

"crying at lifetime television for women"

Those ads make me cry, but for entirely different reasons.

"oil slick worthy skin and abnormally giant blemishes."

We were watching the Women's Softball Tournament at the restaurant we were at last night. They have an HDTV and I've heard that it shows every blemish, but, man!

Every other person looked like the "before" pictures of a Pro-Activ commercial. I hope I never have to appear on TV.


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