3:30 am

what the fuck do you think I'm doing at 3:30 in the morning? sleeping?! in a fuckin polish wet dream of holland, I'm sleeping. I jerk off to posturpedic bed commercials and the happy-go-sleeping-lucky-fuckers that look rested in them!

jerking off: again, not having a dick is just a formality.

I was thinking earlier today that halloween costumes can be so revealing. I had a neighbor, a weasley little trust fund bitchboy who never made the cut in life. fancies himself a real entrepreneur. newsflash dipshit, workin' for daddy three hours a day and collecting 10K a month doesn't make you an independent man or a man. it makes you a pussy bitchboy. I digress... he dressed up as a doctor one year:

a starched white coat with a laminated name tag that clips onto his coat and a shiny gold stethoscope. he was workin' WAY TOO MUCH md pride.

I recently attended a meeting with parents of recovered drug addicts and alcoholics, which was a very enlightening and moving experience and inspiring. so much courage in one room.

enlightening because out of 50 peeps, I was the only jew in the crew. my people just aren't drinkers or druggers. but, man, I bet if I walked into an overeater’s anonymous meeting it would be chalk-a-block, like temple on a high holiday.

OKAY BITCH, STOP SNEEZING!!!!

I read a quote in a magazine, something that shannon dougherty said, "I don't need to settle for anything less than Mr. Right,"

crooked face, it's mr. right NOW!

she went on to tell extra. "I'm a little too old to be making the same mistakes."

oh, you mean just in relationships, right?

I wonder if blake hardin showed his katie schwartz my katie schwartz blog and we haven't heard from him because he / she thinks I was serious about my top 10 reasons blake hardin should fuck me, katie schwartz. if this is true, katie schwartz, we're not creepy chicks. come on now. it's me, katie schwartz!