Monday, February 06, 2006

what's wit' the christian conversions

what happened??? for a minute jews were the chosen people. I think that was last year, right? now we're the fuckin anti-christ again.

I was cornered yesterday by a born again who freakin' begged me to take Jesus into my heart and be his servant.

since when is religion an S&M thing? why do I have to be the submissive in the relationship? Jesus doesn't feel very butch to me. those flowing locks and that crotchy loin cloth. the walking on water thing, which only makes fat people feel bad.

"oh, look at me, I'm Jesus. I'm thin, and I'm walkin' on water."

and then there's this whole, "he died on the cross for you."

did I ask him to schlep up there and get whacked for me? did I push a stake in the man's belly? did I tell him I had sins?

NO, I most certainly did NOT.

ps: I'm suposed to define a sin?! talk about elusive. it's so open to interpretation, political affiliation and sooo much more. like I walk around with a sin list in my pocketbook.

is he kidding me with this?

I get plenty o' guilt in my own religion. I hardly need to adopt another for more guilt-injections.

This one kills me, too, "live your life doing everything in his name."

so not only do I have to manage my own "to do" list, I have to manage Jesus' list too?! why is this fair?

I could go on, and on... but I'm pausing for now because I'm going to sleep, ALONE. but, I hear Jesus is quite the ladies man. who knows, maybe he'll stop by for a shtup. I hear he is single...


Neil said...

The good thing about doing everything in Jesus' name is you can always say it was his fault when you're caught speeding on the freeway.


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