Katie Schwartz

evidently... not. and, I'm pretty god damned pissed off about it, too. at the minute, I will admit that I am horizontally challenged. it's a shortcoming. it's changing. I will also admit that today while running errands, I flew out in sweats and a sweatshirt. hair was pulled back, but not in a scrunchie. those are just wrong on every level. I wasn't wearing make-up, but I had sunglasses on. anywho, juice and I were driving along minding our own business. we were stopped at a red light when said green card candidate glanced my way in a wanton way , which was quickly replaced with never-fucking-mind. never-fucking mind ?! AM I soooo grotesque that I'm not even worthy of being a green card bride? so what if that isn't on my to do list. that's not the fucking point. the point is that he should've wanted me, if for no other reason than to woo me for american citizenship. the fact that he didn't is just plain mean, so I called him on it because it's t...

if you live in fort worth, texas, drag your tuchas out to see amy guth on monday night! she's doing a reading of her book three fallen women . here's the dish: Monday, May 14th: Sixth Street Live 7pm sharp! 2736 W. 6th Street Fort Worth, TX

by way of our beloved creepy , I found this fabulous video. ricky gervais is a comic genius. this we all agree. -- well -- his interpretation of the bible will make you scream and pee. it is hilar squared and brilliant to the tenth power.

do not forget to cawl ma, and showah ha in love and chach, capisce?! to all the mamas that read jewgirl have a beautiful mother's day. don't forget to thank haysus for yer lil' blessings, ya hear. xoxox jewgirl dude, from brooklyn to little rock. oy, who does she think she is...

I am having a severely detached-from-myself day. it has been the most awkward, strange, surreal, bizarre day ever. should I really be shocked that at 6:30 this evening it got even weirder ? probably not. but, I am. the folks who groom my dog are simply lovely. a pair of the most festive queens you'd ever want to meet, in a pink saal-on in weho with a disco ball and paw signed photos of their groomables. (ps) juice did not make the fame wall, but that's ok. we're not into breed cuts. we're puppy-cut-oatmeal-bath purists. I scheduled a bath and a summer cut for the kid tomorrow @ noon. I got a call this evening at... 6:30. good. you're keeping pace. R : katie, D walked out today and I think he quit. ME : oh. really? R : yeah. he got into a HUGE fight with one of our customers about paris hilton. ME : w-w-w-what? R : yeah. the customer said that paris hilton's toenails were dirty and D screamed, "no, they weren't, you dirty lying hag." and he scream...

apparently paris isn't a fan of my people. let's not forget paris's feelings about poor, public school girls, fat people and african americans. you didn't see that video. oh, here ya go .