Katie Schwartz

you know it's true. nobody can have a systemic rule code for every aspect of their fucking life. it's TOO MUCH. I'm not being a negative nellie. dr. phil is creepy. he has a dark side, and I can't wait until it explodes onto the airwaves. he fucks chickens. he's into bondage. he bottoms for his wife. he participates in christian circle jerks. it's something. I know it! nobody is that organized and well appointed. it's not possible. somebody please out dr. phil! I can't take it anymore.

MEXICO CITY - Mexican President Vicente Fox will sign into law a measure that decriminalizes the possession of small amounts of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and other drugs for personal use, his spokesman said Tuesday. "The president is going to sign this law," said Aguilar, who called the legislation "a better tool ... that allows better action and better coordination in the fight against drug dealing." as my mother said, tourism will flourish. I also wonder... how will a small amount be defined? 33-Year-Old Man Marries 104-Year-Old Woman KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (May 1) - A 33-year-old man in northern Malaysia has married a 104-year-old woman, saying mutual respect and friendship had turned to love, a news report said Tuesday. this isn't a sexual relationship, right? I can only imagine what 30-year-old cock looks like penetrating 104-year-old pussy. who wouldn't?! it's perfectly creepy!

let's get rid of the immigrants. fantastic idea! who needs gardeners, maids, manicurists, janitors, line cooks, busboys, delivery boys, section 8 housing or inner-city slumlords. I'm sure the triple slide community would be thrilled to take over those blue collar jobs that were so rightfully ripped from their calloused hands. I just have two questions, how many generations will the eradication of immigrants include? and, will all property ownership default to the NATIVE americans?

what is the percentage of married men more likely to trip and fall into a pussy versus a woman tripping and falling onto a cock? does anyone know?

I finished my two essays this weekend. one is definitely done. the other needs to be tweaked. I'm still in the, this-is-so-fucking-hack-I-suck-and-I-haaaaaaaaaate-it, phase. it'll pass by the end of the day tomorrow. one more to go...

I have been perusing christian blogs again. I can't help myself. everything is in the name of the lord. it fascinates the hell out of me. for example, in lw's blog this week, she's in the closet listening to music because god wanted her to, for like hours. OK. how? did he call her? what was the sign that she got from him to shlep into a closet and worship him? it sounds SOOOO oral sex to me. we all have a mainline to god, but these zealots get messages that we don't. curious, no?

"I saved the world in Spain from all of these crazy terrorists, and nobody appreciates it! all they want to do is steal my money. If I die there might be a nuclear war, but Anastasia is so tired of protecting the world as nobody has ever loved or protected me."