Katie Schwartz

what is the percentage of married men more likely to trip and fall into a pussy versus a woman tripping and falling onto a cock? does anyone know?

I finished my two essays this weekend. one is definitely done. the other needs to be tweaked. I'm still in the, this-is-so-fucking-hack-I-suck-and-I-haaaaaaaaaate-it, phase. it'll pass by the end of the day tomorrow. one more to go...

I have been perusing christian blogs again. I can't help myself. everything is in the name of the lord. it fascinates the hell out of me. for example, in lw's blog this week, she's in the closet listening to music because god wanted her to, for like hours. OK. how? did he call her? what was the sign that she got from him to shlep into a closet and worship him? it sounds SOOOO oral sex to me. we all have a mainline to god, but these zealots get messages that we don't. curious, no?

"I saved the world in Spain from all of these crazy terrorists, and nobody appreciates it! all they want to do is steal my money. If I die there might be a nuclear war, but Anastasia is so tired of protecting the world as nobody has ever loved or protected me."

it's a confession that I hate to admit, but it's true. I can listen to the same song for days on end over and over and over again. I can eat the same food for weeks on end, too. I've decided this is weird.

fat clapper , fat wifey , fat , fat girl crashes , fat woman , very fat girl , fat parasailing , fat boy falling , and, finally, fat guy dancing these are the most shameful displays of self loathing I have ever seen. there is no way on god's green earth, I would drag my chubbette ass in front of a video naked and then submit it for the world to see.

I have these two essays that I need to finish by the end of the weekend and I've reached the point in writing them where I've decided they're hack and tiptoe-y... I'm not much of a skirt-the-issue, writer. who knew she could be such a tepid-pussy-bitch?! as the weekend approaches, I have one wish, that bush gets caught in a circle jerk with rummy, oral and cheney. this would make me so happy! I have to get my car smogged and registered today. ugh. so NOT in the mood. I also have to go to work. maybe I'm ovulating.