Katie Schwartz

The dish, rapid fire... Shall we bullet point this baby or what? Okay, here we go. My youngest brother, Nick is a social media God. He Twittered with Mc Hammer from 33,000 feet . Isn't he a honey?! In honor of Ada Lovelace Day , one of my Twitter dishing buddies, BitDepth , has written a lovely post about women in New Media and he GENEROUSLY included me. To be in the company of the women he wrote about is quite an honor. If you haven't read his blog , check it out. He is a photographer and a filmmaker. His work is rich and luscious, like his personality. Tuesday was suuuuhhhhrrrrrrreal. Wednesday I had to re-pee in a bucket, but failed miserably. The whole thing was entirely too nauseating. Let's just say I jeopardized the specimen. Thursday morning I had a date with Urarella (Nephroqueen). He's so dramatic, my God. Only 8 viles of blood on the wall, 8 viles of blood, if one should happen to fall... Anyway, he want ed me to have an MRI. However, as of Friday, I have ...

From Joe: Hi everybody! I'm tied up at work and won't have a chance to get this up on Sprawling Ramshackle Compound for a while, so I need your help. Our daughter Nora is a semi-finalist in the Fangoria Spooksmodel contest . Right now she's kind of bummed out because she's getting her ass kicked in the voting--she's competing against a more than a few softcore porn actresses and pro models. Please click on the link (here it is again: Fangoria Spooksmodel ) and scroll down until you see Nora O'Sullivan in her evil nurse costume. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VOTE FOR THIS GIRL. Nobody loves horror more than Nora, and she needs to place in the top 13 to go to the finals in L.A. Vote early and often, it's easy, and forward this to any gorehounds you know, or anyone who just loves to vote in internet contests. I really appreciate it. She'd love to see her numbers climb. Take care, and thanks for reading! Joe Run . Go . Vote .

Our beloved blogging buddy, Beth Coffey is having a SUPER DUPER BIRTHDAY TODAY . Click over and wish that dame a very happy birthday. Bethy, the world is a better place because you're in it. I celebrate you every day, today is extra special because you were born. You are loved and adored by many. You're a good friend, a great person and you have a heart of gold. I wish you the world, my dear. My this year bring you everything your lovely soul desires. Love, Jewgirl

A few weeks ago, I joined two incredible women, Joy Hurwitz and Belle Zwerdling , to form Three Dames With A Clue , a women's collective that produces live, filmed, interactive theatre coined My Authentic Expression. Each month, a new topic is tabled and guided by 3-4 panelists, paired with an online series of interviews featuring some of the web's most prolific women writers and artists. Some you might even know, FranIAm and KarenZipdrive . As you can see, we've got some really kick ass dames coming out for this. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, we'll be posting new interviews. Our first show is slated for May 11th in Los Angeles. Location TBA. I will keep youse posted. If you're in LA, please e-stalk me for reservations. Tickets are FREE. Parking is 5 bucks. Free appetizers. Cocktails and beverages are totally doable. Nothing crazy price wise. After all, we are in a recession.

Oh, how I love and appreciate a blog award, especially this one, the Sisterhood Award , from a dame I adore, Liberality Liberal . LL has bestowed this award on some bloggers I am looking forward to reading because their blogs sound way up my alley. One of the bloggers, Mauigirl, I adore sooo much. Thanks Libbylib, I'm a lucky dame. What I love most about the Sisterhood Award is what it means to me: camaraderie, mutual respect, appreciation for other women, elevating and uplifting, not degrading or disrespecting, and feeling connected, not because all women are going to like each other cause'ns we're of the Vsuasion. Though, it would be great if we could, at the very least be there for each other in some small way. Maybe even help each other achieve our goals, instead of trying to take a sistah' down. That just ain't right. I see a lot of that, as I'm sure we all have, and experienced it, too. Most unfestive, donchya think? Yeah... I know. The origin of sisterhoo...

UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE::: THANKS TO MONKEYSTUDMUFFIN'S COMMENT, I HAVE FIXED THE LINK TO BUBBSIE'S ESSAY ON FARMHOUSE . THANKS, MONKEYSTUD There are a million reasons we love Bubbsie. He's dark: and funny as hell: We love his writing, the child can spin a yarn like nobody's business. A few of Bubbsie's treasured topics are Clowns , Alligators , and of course, who could live without his FREAK OF THE WEEK series. GUESS WHAT, our Bubsielicious has spun a disturbingly sick and funny non-fiction story, running in the spring edition of Farmhouse Magazine . This might be Bubbsie's first stop, that we know of, but one thing we are most certain about is that it's just the beginning -- This kid's got mad writing skills. Click on over and read about his Day With Antonia .

This song bugs the mother fucking shit out of me for reasons I really don't know. It could be the nasally-stuck-in-his-throat harmony of Time Passages , though I'm not certain. How mizzy does the broad look in this picture? To me, she screams: "Dress, stuff and roast you're own fucking turkey." I agree with her completely. Living in 2009, I have the privilege and luck of saying as much. I'm irritated with nephroqueen's new medication. I think it's giving me headaches and making me tired. I'd call him Monday, but I'm seeing him on Tuesday. Gee, I can't fucking wait. I'm so excited. My nicknames for my nephrologist are: Obviously, nephroqueen, nephroboy, nephrologyboy, nephroasspain, kidneyologist, urinequeen, urarella, blood-and-urine-sucking-vampire, and I think that's pretty much it. Got any new ones for me? I'm addicted to Twitter , much more so than Facebook, not sure how I feel about Facebook or if I really want to assign a...

If you haven't figured it out yet, I love Vanessa Hidary 's spoken word and I'm not much of a spoken wordian. This broad is off the mothah fuckin' hook. Watch! Oh, and when you're done, a gift from my friend Crionaberry , a personal ad with a TABLE OF CONTENTS. Oh yes, a TOC, beautiful babies.

So, on Twitter today, I discovered some kick ass dish from some folks I'm following. From @ Rex7 , what does a trillion dollars look like ? Click it, the visual will take your wig off! From @ dcagle , Tattoo Barbie . Ha. Liberality , I got your comment, I'm on it, babycakes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Bubbsielicious of the Sprawling Ramshackle sent me a gift this week via email that is truly flawless . Behold the sagiest of sage words dripping from the below Craigslistian ad posting. Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no wa...

"The Hebrew Mamita" Vanessa Hidary (Def Poetry)

Two of my good friends are dispensing much needed pearls of wisdom. Al Sensu of Hard and Fast (I adore this man). He dishes up in-your-face sex advice and answers every taboo question you can't think of, yes, it's true. With a smile, a dash of wit and a lot of heart, he responds to at least 50 + queries a month. Being the doll baby he is, he never publishes email addy's, so you can e-stalk him knowing he will vigorously protect your privacy. SinJin Merriweather of AskSinJin (I adore this man, too. Does that make me slutty?). From the inane, to the bizarre, whatever you want to know, SinJin can toss a pearl your way. He's sharp as a whip, funny and very insightful. Like Al, he also believes in protecting your identity. Check em' out and e-stalk them Q's. They're great dishy blokes.

This morning, my good friends at Echelon Magazine (if you haven't perused this read, click on over and check it out, it's wonderful. PS: Their weekly newsletter kicks ass. You can also follow them on Twitter if you're Twittering, that is. @ Echelon_mag . Back to my yarn... When I clicked on the link Michael sent me and saw this headline Soy is making kids 'gay' , I thought, no. No way is this schmuck that stupid. Turns out, he is! Though vintage, circa 2006, the original yarn was posted here . I've bolded my favorite parts. Soy is making kids 'gay' There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular. Now, I'm a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it's organic. I state my bias here just so you'll know I'm not anti-health food. (Good to know, I was wor...

T-Mobile Germany launched their new commercial. It was shot at Liverpool station in London . They used 400 dancers and 10 hidden cameras. No one but the station employees and dancers knew what was going on... it was aired on youtube and TV.

My cousin, Dorian is an artist based in the Bay Area. When she has her next opening, I will be sure to let my SF buds and readers know so youse can all meet this great dame and wildly talented artist. BFF, Cormac , I hope you and the missus can make it (no guilt, I promise). Dorian is tremendously talented, very unique and dark. Her work is soul food at its finest. See for yourselves right here and here . If you want, friend her on Facebook . While I'm on the subject of fine art and San Francisco artists, have you seen Freaky Jewelry's blog ? Her jewelry is as dark as it is whimsical and as distinctive as she is. You must run like a dawg. Each piece has a yarn. Check it out, yo! Love this broad's work and she is such a honey. PS: Liberality and Border Explorer , thanks for the ya know's . I will be posting this week.