watch out psychic cindy, here comes pat robertson

oh, jesus, please come gather your soldier-eeiest hypocrites. really. they've exhausted us completely and we're ready for your second coming. if you'd like to drop them at hell's gate, we're all for that. though I have a feeling one of the blogs I love, the pitchfork will be none to pleased. unless of course, you grant them permission to hang them from their hateful, zealot ballsacks and nipples. who wouldn't appreciate such a decorative ceiling arrangement?!

when fundamentalists dress up psychic cindy predictions as, god said, it just sends my vulva lips twitching like a country cricket on a hot summer eve. who better to make those predictions than the one, the only, pat pining for cock robertson. that queen sure does love being the bell of a crystal ball, doesn't she?!

ps: to my beautiful fagehalla's, while I hate to pawn her off on you, we all know she's a bible thumping, glory hole suckin' queen. she just hasn't been caught with the darkest cock in her mouth... YET. the day will come, my pretties. the day will cum.

she's been a busy beaver this year, our jshlubertson, schlepping to israel to predict millions of deaths towards the end of 07' (in big j's good name of course). she's not sure what disaster will strike, but she's certain it will be an act of terrorism or something au-nater-ahl. she's also sure it won't be nuclear.

call me a dipshit wrapped in a riddle, but I'm having a super hard time imagining THAT conversation:

JESUS: hey pat, jesus here. I just wanted to give you the 411 on 07's outlook. towards the end of the year there's going to be a disaster, but just in america. millions of your people will die. it's not going to be nuclear, but it will be natural or an act of terrorism.

PAT: this is primarily going to impact the non-christians though, right?

JESUS: I haven't decided yet, but I'll keep you in the loop.

PAT: well, what about sinners? I mean, will you at least make sure their lives are taken?

JESUS: again, I haven't decided yet.

PAT: I see.

JESUS: pat, quit bein' a ball buster, ok?! I took time out of my busy schedule for a face to penis to tell you that millions of fucking americans are going to die in a non-nuclear natural disaster or terrorist act. what more do you want from me?! you are such a needy dick sometimes.

OK, so that's my fantasy conversation.

I just think that if jesus were really going to take time out of his day to spin that yarn, it would've been far more detailed. so, either splat is lying (like that's a stretch) or she's withholding to recruit believers. either way, she's a vile life sucking cockroach and I canNOT wait for the second coming: the day she's caught with her pants around her ankles.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I can't wait to for Pat to be struck down by a painful lingering illness, because I'll want to hear what G-d tells him he did to deserve it.
9:06 PM
Katie Schwartz said…
care to take a guess? I'm all eyes.
10:06 PM
Anonymous said…
Oh, girl. I laughed so hard! Keep it coming, baby!
6:46 AM
Katie Schwartz said…
thank you, my d-sweet :)
10:05 AM
Anonymous said…
You are hilarious
5:38 AM
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