Katie Schwartz

today, I decided to wear floods all day. but, not just floods. cuffs that were clearly terrified of touching shoe. I wanted to see how people would react. I was very disappointed. I got a few grimaces and the odd sneer, but that's it! am I that unfortunate? I was hoping for some core laughs and wicked vile comments. instead I got bupkas. sigh. I'm a blue jew. I'm on a budget this year, so I'm trying to decide what to go as for halloween. I'm torn. if I buy an afro and a rope, I can tie my kitchen clock around my neck and go as flavor flave. if I'm willing to invest in a black cabbage patch baby, I can go as madonna. but, if I add big round glasses and a leash, I can go as brad and angelina. decisions. decisions. I'm so conflicted.

if you're going to have the license plate, HYMEN, don't you think you should dress it up with a catch phrase? if you're a virgin: still intact if you're a gyno: breaking ... since 1975! if you're a creepy, 18 and up skirt chasing, cocksucking bastard: I break for... if you're driving a really nice car: was worth the break if you're religious: not to be confused with hymn if you're stupid: my baby girl's name is... if you're still stupid: I would've given him mouth to mouth, but he was choking so I did the... where is this coming from, you ask?! today, I saw the license plate, HYMEN on one of those ridiculously expensive cars and thought, if you're going to take the time to advertise HYMENS, don't you think you should give a jhush? offer some background or a snappy catch phrase?!