Katie Schwartz

Is.... DRUG MONKEY !!! DM, you have won a dozen Bojamacakes courtesy of baking goddess Jintrinsique . CONGRATULATIONS, TOOTS! Thank you for your wonderful essay, If you Listen Closely as you Read This, You can Hear me Reaching Hard to Create Three, I May Have Turn a Rotar Cuff . I would also like to thank your fierce competitors, essayists Fredrick Schwartz of Hell's Leading Newspaper, the Dis-Brimstone and Mister Mister of one of the net's finest poli reads, Earth Observation . You rocked it, beautiful babies. Thank you, Drug Monkey and CONGRATULATIONS, ya big stud.

My good friend, Lewchieloo of Democracy Hypocrisy made this fabulous Palinazi politoon for The Vey. Thank you, dollface. Loooove it . New vegan discovery of the week that even meataterians and vegetarians would dig, roasted tomato and red pepper soup. Ta-fuckin-die-for delish and thick. If you have a sensitivo stomach and get acid reflux easily, you'll need a ruhlaahds (rolaids) back. I'm just sayin' . I was just thinking.... Diva Jood , Helen Wheels and Hilly live in my neck of the woods ish and I think we should start a monthly or six-weekerly coffee sesh. @ AlizaSherman from Twitter, a fabgal, posted a tweet this week about the Women Respond to Palin website. Check it out, yo. They're having a live webathon on October 30th. Women will be performing their letters to Palinoscopy. Some of us should get involved. You disagree? Pcunt hardly represents the best of the vadge community. Unless, of course, you're a woman who hates women, then I suppose Palin would be...

Today, I was humilareena and her friends, Shame, Oh The Shame, and You Shameful Snatch. Seriously. What happened today is so embarrassing I wasn't going to blog it until my sister said, "How can this shamevent be off limits when you so freely blog about menses." The girl has a point. I scheduled an appt with the cable man today because I needed him to switch out my boxes (that is not an innuendo, schmucks). My DVR was tiling and squeezing up when I'd change the channels. It also incessantly froze and garbled. Being a lazy bitch who doesn't really give a shit, I wasn't bothered.... for six-months. At 10 AM, cabletard enters the premises on time (shock of shocks). He's pleasant enough and clean-cut. Having had cable / Internet issues to the degree that I have had with AT&T, I wanted him to stay and make sure that my Internet connection didn't go down and that I knew how to work the new DVR box. Being a busy boy, he got a little snippy. I needed to sh...

HA. I love it. A Schwartz sent it to me. I can't say which one cause, ya know, the Schwartz who sent it wants to remain anony. Out of respect for that Schwartz, I'll shut my pie-hole. HOW FUCKING FUNNY AND FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS is this picture?!?!?! Ah, I love it. Thanks for sending, Schwartzy. ME

Some people love a paraaaahd. Me, I love a surprise. This is a surprise that will make all McCunt essay cuntestants very happy, I think. I hope. Wait, was that too flat? Let me jhush that sentence up. All McCunt essay cuntestants from October and September are getting a second chance to WIN a dozen Bojamacakes . Are you plotzing? Me, too. Miss Frannylish , September's cuntest winner is living proof of how fabulous Jintrinsique's cupcakes are. Just ask her . Here's the dish: 1) Starting today, Monday, October 20th, you have one more week to vote for each of October's essays. Leave your votes in comments, please. The winner will receive one dozen Bojamacakes. For Katie Schwartz: 3 Cunts and 3 New Words and a Curious Insight Into the Kind of Woman that May Trip John McCain's Trigger , written by Fredrick Schwartz of Hell's Leading Newspaper The Dis Brimstone . If you Listen Closely as you Read This, You can Hear me Reaching Hard to Create Three, I May Have Turn a ...

I was having a conversation with a very dear friend today and one of the things we discussed, I'm paraphrasing, was the concept that everything happens for a reason and that there are no coincidences . I've always been conflicted about those two ideas. Often, I wonder, If I am in charge of my own destiny, why would I choose to derail myself with Graves' disease? Then I back flip and ask myself, If I'm not in charge of my destiny, why was this placed in my life? After yet another back flip, I ask, How can I control IT instead of IT controlling me? As you can see, I still haven't answered my own damn questions and remain conflicted. In my opinion, I don't believe we create illness. I don't think we ask for illness to overtake our bodies and shift the course of our lives. I don't think illness serves a greater good. Just as I don't think there's an upside to death. Losing someone you love is horrific, full stop. Admittedly, I am the worst at facing...

DivaJood has tagged me for the eleven things you don't know about me meemish. This is going to be tough. What haven't we discussed, really? We schlep down Schwartz Lane so often, dishing menses, family, Graves', writing, life, love (lack thereof), naybahs, and so much more. I can't say no to Jood though, she's far too fabulous. And, yes, I am tagging others, so yas best be ready. If you haven't read her meem , you should, it's delightful. 1. Clothes Shop : At the minee, I'm not shopping for clothes because I'm too busy getting my sphere-on . However, all that's changing. Slowly, of course. Anyway, I'm whoring myself to any shoe shop that will have me. Though, I am going for comfort fit, I'm pleased to announce that I still have a degree of taste in that department. 2. Furniture Shop : Please, are you new? Say it with me. What is Schwartzy's love when it comes to furn and tchoch? Come on, you know.... V-I-N-T-A-G-E. Specifically, Eam...