Katie Schwartz

Okay beautiful babies, All the Way from Oy to Vey is endorsing and promoting the hell out of Obama and Biden. No shit, right? Like you don't know I'm a lefty lucy?! As if you're new to my blog?! What am I, fucktarded underestimating my divine readers?! Forgive Jewgirl for her shortcomings, please. Grazarella. So. News?! I am running a contest on my blog for September and October. Each month's winner will receive a dozen Bojamacakes (cupcakes), courtesy of the divine baking Goddess Jintrinsique , shipped to wherever the winner likes in the U.S. Now that you're drooling. I am, too, by the by. Jintrinsique is sooooo talented in the baked goods department and quite a lovely dame, too. Packaged in exceptional design and presentation, each pastry will make your taste buds climax on the spot. PS: make sure you have wipes and a few paper towels when noshing. Here's the dish to enter the "Wanna Fuck McCunt" Contest 1) Each week, a guest blogger will post an e...

I randomly check the top keywords (who doesn't, right?) I come up on every month and sometimes post them. I give you the top keywords Katie Schwartz's blog is coming up on for Jewlie and Auggie: Coco Fishnet : I admit it, I went through a big Coco writing phase, so much so that at one point BestStuff created a landing page with my name and Coco's image. Fab. Domestic Discipline: Is that really something this feminist would cover? Pussy Eating Contest: In my defense, that was a Blair Warner post from two years ago. Remember my Blair's Journal phase? Oy vey. Doreen Orion Queen of the Road July : Such an honah. Vintage Pussy: Is that like geriatric porn? Coco's Fishnet Dress: I digress Danny Bonaduce Dick: I had to dish that, but only once, and it was because he showed his mini-orange-peen, which was, hi, super creepy. Plus, it killed my love affair with mac & cheese". A win-win for sure. Is John Mayer Jewish?: I don't remember asking that question or...

My girl and dear friend, Frannylish and Kelso's Nuts , another true and dear friend, of one of my favorite reads The Daily Pitchfork , overly-generously awarded my blog with the Kick Ass Blogger award. How super menschy are they?! Seriously. From Frannygirl: Katie - my Jewgirl There is nothing else for me to say. She is the kickiest assiest broad of all. She put the gefilte in the fish, the matzoh in the ball and the mazel in the tov. I love her without reservation . From Kelso's Nuts: KATIE "JEWGIRL" SCHWARTZ of All The Way From Oy To Vey: Very funny and honest writer with New York neighborhood smarts, a slick Hollywood cynicism, a wry Northern English layer, and a personal-is-political feminism that everyone has to dig. Literate, literary and sexy . I know, right?! Plotzarella squared. I think they were under a guilt influence at the time. This list could easily exceed 50. If you look at my blogroll, you'll see that all of the bloggers I've posted are blogs...

Ahhhkay, here's the deal. I'm striving for change, so, you know, I'm changing everything in my life, as many things as possible, from the minutia to the extreme to achieve a greater good within myself. No, I'm not becoming creeparella-hemptress. Breathe. Come on now, it's me! In the midst of all of this self imposed change, there's this one thing that I can't seem to part with: my altoids tin. I've used this tin as my wallet for years (Frannygirl's seen it and I think Bubbsie, too), I'm talking 10 years we've been together. There is a lot of personal significance and meaning for me with this fuckin' tin (the shame... I know). The a-tin represented a time in my life when I felt the most free, when things in my life were so close to exactly the way I wanted them to be. There was accelerated movement in all areas of my life. I find myself wondering many things at the mineee... Am I afraid if I let it go, I'm giving up the concept that po...

When Katherine introduced me to your work, I was so taken aback by the sheer beauty of your illustrations. Each is as classical as it is whimsical. And there is an elegant, inviting darkness to your work, as well. The women you sketch and illustrate, even in seemingly vulnerable positions illuminate strength and poise. I'm so intrigued by your work and want to know more about it and you. Start spilling, sistergirl. Do you remember the first time you drew something? If so, what did it feel like? I've been drawing as long as I can remember. I was always the "artist" in the family. When I was eight or so, I used to write my own Choose Your Adventure stories and illustrate them. I still kept a number of those- one of them was called "The Secret of Unicorn Valley." It was really silly, but there was this boy at school who saw my books and was so impressed by them that he wanted me to do a Transformers story. I was flattered, even though I thought the Transformers...

Golly gee willackers, my day started with a glorious stretch and some yoga at home, followed by teeth brushing, flossing, some face washing and ear cleaning (I'm an OCDer to the core with floss and a few Q-tips). I was ready to embrace the day and opened my laptop. A few hours later, I made myself a generous helping of oatmeal served with a side of... Ohhhkkkay, surrealeena ?! While noshing on my meal-of-oats , helicopters circled several buildings bellowing from megaphones Come out with your hands up. I repeat, come out with your hands up and drop your weapon . So, what did my schmucky neighbors do? Run out of their houses and scurry down the street. Great way to get whacked. News?! I have a friend who is temporarily vegan and gluten free at the minee, too. We commiserate about how torturous it is for us , often. There are so few foods we enjoy. I understand a lot of people love being vegan and gluten free, I think that's fabulous. I'm over the moon for them. I'm j...

I read Gail Konop Baker's memoir Cancer Is A Bitch *Or I'd Rather Be Having a Mid-Life Crisis , twice. Before reading it, I wondered if I'd be able to relate-- I've never had cancer, I'm lucky and grateful for that. I also grew up in a neurosis-is-the-breakfast-of-champions environment, where the word cancer is whispered for fear that elevating the pitch would somehow invite the disease into our lives. Flowing along that superstition, I wondered if reading a book about cancer would beckon a social call. Would I be dialing-a-disease-for-delivery by reading this memoir? What would my grandparents think? Should I even tell my parents I was reading a shh-book? And I wonder where my hypochondriac roots stem from?! Really? Really. OY. The minute I started reading Cancer Is A Bitch, I could NOT put it down. Honestly, irreverently, hysterically and exquisitely, Gail hurled me into what she endured and continues to face as a cancer survivor. But, more than that- the fren...