Katie Schwartz

Shalom Loverdeedo's. What a fucking Tuesday. Did Mercury bypass retrograde and nosedive? Geez Louise. This morning, a broad was stabbed to death in the parking structure of a building in Century City . This wasn't one of those meant-to-mug-you-mini-stab-and-runs , either. It was the real deal. Some asshole repeatedly and violently stabbed a woman in the neck. What kills me (so dramatic, Katie) is that there were people at the scene during 'said' incident and did nothing. It reminds me of the below video I saw on YouTube of a woman who keeled over and onto the floor of a waiting room in a fucking hospital and died. People sat by and watched for 45 minutes and did nothing . Are we too afraid to get involved? Have we stopped caring about jumping in and preserving another life? What happened? It seems to me that things have radically changed over the past few years. I worry about the direction we're heading in. These two situations aren't isolated, I've read ab...

I am listening to the Goodbye Girl on the pod. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. The kid and Richard Dreyfus do it for me in that flickundra, not Marsha Mason. Should I write a puzzle? I didn't fall asleep until midnight and when I popped up at 2ish, I was in the middle of a nightmare about being trapped in a crossword puzzle. I really love being continent. When my grandmother had a prolapsed uterus, she became incontinent. Worrying about my uterus becoming an accessory is now in the top 25 on my "Worry To Do List". Have you seen the movie Superbad ? That was a continent killer... Get it? "I laughed so hard, I peed." If Ellen Arkin married Adam Barkin and they spawned a fruit named Harkin, the kid's name would be Harkin Arkin Barkin. I can see it. The name screams rehab ready. He's almost three quarters of the way with the acronym HAB. I started reading one of Wade Agnew's poetry books "Solace For A Starving Naked Alone ...

On Friday, I started to feel sore-throaty and sinus burney. Know what I mean? Anywhoodle, by Saturday morning, my throat felt scrubbed with sandpaper by 50 midgets. My sinuses were in the epicenter of an erupting volcano . The hacking was akin to a crack addict who smokes Pall Mall non-filters in between fixes. That said.... Sunday, the games continued, menses began. All I needed was a yeast infection, and as a friend noted this morning, I would've had a trifecta. Though I rarely take penicillin for fear of developing an immunity to it, I caved and called my doctor for a Zpack and a cough suppressant. I am on the mend, fab . Downside, the cough suppressant had an opiate (who knew?!). I am opiate intolerant unless I take it with an anti-nausea back. What a weekend. By tomorrow I should feel like a brand spankin' new Jew. It's time for Katie to make herself horizontal again. More dish latah.

You've heard me dish plenty about Author Doreen Orion and her new title Queen of the Road . As a frequent commenter on The Vey, you've seen her around, she's hardly a stranger, she's more like meshpucha. I could say I read Queen of the Road, but that would be false, I actually devoured it like a vampire jonseing for fresh blood. There are bottom shelf books, read once and placed there because I adored them enough not to let them go. Top shelf books are current reads. Second shelf books I re-read passages from or will re-read because they resonated that deeply for me. Queen of the Road is a second shelf book. I fell in love with Doreen's book for a million reasons: It made me belly laugh. I fucking screamed my way through this book. My sides hurt, my belly burned and the book fell from my hands on numerous occasions, I laughed that hard. Doreen isn't just funny, she's a comic genius. I also cried, feeling her angst, wonder and frustration while she journey...

my soul's journey "To let go of the fear and anger which imprisons my heart,To relinquish all childish expectations and live joyfully in the world as it is -- not as I wish or imagine it to be, To be free of the always craven and ever-craving ego, To be released from the endless hungers of the body, To see God in others, To see God in everything, To die without death and merge my consciousness into the cosmic sea of bliss from which I came, To crank out two sitcoms a week that can compete with a deaf chick dancing her ass off... This is my soul's journey." Chuck Lorre Productions, Vanity Card #196

When I received this email from The Human Rights Campaign, it made me so happy, I had to share it. " Marriage – HRC has hit the million mark! We're up to 1,003,118 signatures on our Million for Marriage petition. Sign now » " Sign up, loverdeedos.

This afternoon, while checking traffic on my sitemeter, I saw a ginormous banner that read, Macaroni and Cheese Contest -- Win $5,000 -- Sponsored by Tillamook Cheddar Cheese . "The Grand prize winner will receive $5,000 cash, 25 pounds of Tillamook® cheese, plus other various prizes." Evil. Evil. Evil. I miss, no, I ache for cheese and pine for pasta. Not the gluten free shit, either. Real, white flour, thick, gorgeous, robust, horrific for you, noodlays. I have a homemade, heart stopping recipe for macaroni and cheese courtesy of ma Schwartzy. Can you imagine winning 5K and 25 pounds of cheese?! I'd plotz, scream and cry extra sharp cheddar tears of unbridled joy. Who cares... It's just cheese. Who needs cheese, right? Right. I love being vegan. Besides, I'm PMS'ng. Even though my cravings are out of control, I'm not. Keep telling yourself that, Schwartz, maybe it'll sink in. Okay, I will. Fine . Fine.