Katie Schwartz

today while driving along robertson , my sister and I saw the hottest hassid we'd ever seen in our lives. strapping. 30-something in a schneerson , black zoot suit coat, but religious proper, a tallis , peyos and true religion jeans, and I swear to god, our legs just gravitated open. confession time: I date everything under the sun. but, I think hassidic men in groups are so sexy, I can't stand it. it's the only time the pull-a-train fantasy would surface. this particular heeblette , well he just sent us both de -ranged. my vulva lips were twitching faster than a summer cricket, news?!?! couture hassid .

fartkisaf : friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays. 1. I won't receive the two calls I'm expecting. 2. my neighbors can hear me sneeze in the mornings and hock me about closing my windows. hello, get a grip. ever heard of allergies? what about earplugs? are you new? this whole, must be silent to sleep , attitude really fuckin' pisses me off. if you're going to reside in a wannabe metropolis or real one, you have got to cope with sound. right? right! 3. endo boy next week. so not in the mood to get felt up and have blood drawn. 4. waiting on louie's blood work results. ok, we are mirroring each other a little too much. what does that say about me? yes, I know I'm a freak. I'm looking for something else. 5. my ocd about twist ties will continue.

I got an email this week from the writer of sand gets in my eyes . she wrote an article about virginity soap . you have got to read this! the author is an american living in saudi arabia. read her yarns. she's an interesting dame. virginity soap is no joke, yo. it's a thriving enterprise. in many cultures, the blessed v is the only value a woman brings to her marriage and to her man. what I don't understand is why these cultures don't just roll out with clit-ectomies and g-ectomies. if she enjoys it, she's got to be a ho, you know?! it's all very sad and tragic really. vadgeys come in all different shapes and sizes, some are grand canyon sized, equipped for echoes and all, while others are as tight as coin slots. it also made me wonder if virginity soap is no different from kegel exercises or ben wa balls. the packaging and language is different but isn't the message the same? she actually received letters from women condemning her post and advocating virgin...

this week I've been obsessing about twist ties . I've been wondering who sets out to become a twist tie-er. sure, it's a super factory-norma-rae-blue collar gig. but, don't you wonder if they have big twist tie pride? I do! I hope so. everything we buy with a plug or a cord is twist tied. there are trade schools for twist ties, forums , articles , recruiters and an organization for dames , women in packaging . ok, packaging, but you can find sections dedicated to the art of the twist tie and the broads behind em'. twist ties are big business, yo. I'm thoroughly fascinated by it.

remember that hate mail post a few weeks back from vd ? she emailed me again. h ere's what she said: Unfortunately I have been out of town. I do understand what anti-Semitism is and people like you are the cause of it. Hate definitely breeds hate and from the looks of your blog you are one of the most hateful people I have come across in a long time. If you demean a religious figure such as Christ, you are striking out at all Christians, not just evangelicals. she couldn't just call me fat? I forwarded her email to a few friends and to my parents. they were quite perplexed. you see, I've never been called hateful in my life. wait. could she be confusing me with the white power xanga blog ring ?! DUMB ASS . I'm demeaning christ?! please... I got nothin' but respect for his philosophies and teachings. if anyone is demeaning him, it's the religious reich, abusing his good name and misinterpreting the foundation of what he stood for to suit your own damn purposes: ...

I love the song home to me , josh kelly . you have to download it at itunes. go for it, barbie! get your vadge on.

I'm not the power slut I once was. it's far more interesting to be slutty and whoreish with one man that you're crazy about. yes, it's true, I compartmentalize men. datebles are fiercely intelligent, make me laugh my ass off and floss. I don't have a physical type in that realm. meat for the week, well, keep reading... when you're a single broad, you get hungry and you want a snack from time to time (meat for the week). I do so enjoy a hearty blue collar meal in workman's boots with calloused hands and thick forearms. a sweaty brow pretty much puts me over the edge. ps: don't you go thinking I'm some tool belt chasing tessie now, cause I ain't. my cable boy was definitely nosh worthy. the problem, he could not shut his fuckin' pie hole for five fuckin' minutes. he wasn't the sharpest sweetener in the bin, so he laughed at everything. his timing wasn't even off, it was just wildly inappropriate, which would've been turn off eno...