Katie Schwartz

Vice President Cited After Blasting Hunting Buddy With Bird Shot. The 78-year-old lawyer who was shot by Vice President Dick Cheney in a hunting accident has some birdshot lodged in his heart and he had "a minor heart attack" Tuesday morning, hospital officials said. OMG. THE SHAME...

*Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.* *Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.* *A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.* *Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.* *The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.* *If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.* *Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.* *HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.* *G...

Harry Whittington poses in his office. Doctors said the 78-year-old lawyer's condition is improving but he may have to live with some bird shot in him.

I take my dog to this kick ass patch of grass in, too much money and too much time (beverlyhills), sometimes. this afternoon, that's where we went. on the way out there's this gas station that I stop at to hose louie off. he loves it. so there I am hosing louie. kid's havin' a ball. he's panting. he's drooling. he's in full canine bliss. this car black car rolls up, so big and so money, like I never seen in my life. a man in an outfit gets out of the drivers seat and opens the passenger car door. louie's now horizontal on the pavement and I'm pouring water in his mouth and hosing him off like a flower bed. back to the passenger. she pours out of the car like evian water, cool and crisp. Draped in, let's-play-how-many-south-africans-died-for those diamonds. she was in her 70s and had a severe face lift. I'm sure she just finished lunching with the ladies and cross referencing bank accounts. before strolling over she snapped her fingers and the...

"Today I had a horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi while I was with my baby. Because of a recent incident when I was trapped in my car without my baby by a throng of paparazzi, I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us, and took photos of us which were sold to the media. I love my child and would do anything to protect him."

what happened??? for a minute jews were the chosen people. I think that was last year, right? now we're the fuckin anti-christ again. I was cornered yesterday by a born again who freakin' begged me to take Jesus into my heart and be his servant. since when is religion an S&M thing? why do I have to be the submissive in the relationship? Jesus doesn't feel very butch to me. those flowing locks and that crotchy loin cloth. the walking on water thing, which only makes fat people feel bad. "oh, look at me, I'm Jesus. I'm thin, and I'm walkin' on water." and then there's this whole, "he died on the cross for you." did I ask him to schlep up there and get whacked for me? did I push a stake in the man's belly? did I tell him I had sins? NO, I most certainly did NOT. ps: I'm suposed to define a sin?! talk about elusive. it's so open to interpretation, political affiliation and sooo much more. like I walk around with a sin list...